Waiting for the time

Its Christmas, everyone's out having fun. The decoration on the streets, tiny LED bulbs that lit up the night. Love and laughter that comes with it, everyone has someone tightly in their arms tonight. Yet, i sit here wondering, what are you doing this Christmas? Where are you? I told Santa this year that i want you as my present, he just smiled. Your faraway, i know. But every time i look up to the sky, no matter the distance; somehow i feel a little closer to you. Its the same sky, same sun, same moon and stars that we are looking at ain't it?

Its been a few years now, i told myself not to count anymore. I miss you.

Merry Christmas, where ever you are... you are still here in my heart.

Santa's on his way...

Hear the reindeer bells, Santa's getting ready. Socks hanging by the fireplace, what do you want from Santa this year? Everybody's getting ready for the occasion. The golden brown turkey, coleslaw, mash potato. Children screaming over presents and toys, the spirit of Christmas. A time where the close ones gathers if not new bonds are made. I wonder, where will i be this coming Christmas?

The things i need to do.

My body is starting to reject the nicotine im injecting myself with. My lungs feels heavy, i can't breathe properly; i feel dizzy. Perhaps for once i may just be serious about quitting cigarettes.
A few weeks went by now, the elections over. Suffice to say, i won. Im the president now. The path i chose venture; long and hard. Deception would be the key to many things as of such.

I need to get my 2011 to do list done.

I think im wrong... again

I thought i found it, the other one. Yet tonight, i failed. I used my thoughts as a vessel, to be explored. With the intention to offer what i know, it backfired. I went through the conversation countless times, i can't seem to see where i went wrong. Perhaps i can't, maybe not tonight as a lot of things seems to be going on, probably just a little too much even for me to handle. Am i trying too hard? Its not an easy task to find my 108. What is going on? Im questioning myself. More and more, i can't seem to be able to control that thing inside me. Im going to burst, the anger. The countless thoughts that flashes through my mind. Im just not strong or good enough, i admit. Perhaps, i overestimated myself. I want to shout, i want to scream, i want to get out. I failed miserably, with myself, my confidence my plans...

I think im wrong yet again.... someone tell me please.. i need answers....damn it.

The strings that played on stage.

Observed and analyzed, not a tad near accurate. The melody played as the actors performed on stage; the slightest off tune in a single note, something seems wrong. The feelings that creep slowly into your thoughts, a shadow hidden behind every corner. Something's wrong, terribly wrong. Your acting's horrible, so is your song. I need new actors, to move with that beat, dance that jazz and scream those notes. Dance with me, in the music of the night. The music shall caress you, numbing your senses and soon abandon your defenses.

Move your steps into my mambo, slowly into my deception. Enthralled by the way you work, I smiled and smirked. Tell me someday you will be mine and i be yours; your puppet master. I will make and mold you in my image, to perform my script; my wonderful script. The night's still young, come tell me you love the way i lie. My minds not too dark, but no where near light. The queer thoughts that even made me shiver sometimes. I am many; so who am i?

On one; My Tears flow,
On Two; My tongue is sharp,
On Three; My eyes' seen too much.
On four; My heart's torn apart,
On five; My Mind's a Puzzle,
On Six; My Feelings are naught.
On Seven; His just nuts....


Let me out, i want to play; you can't control me yet not forever. Surrender to the power of the music of the night. It fiddles your mind, taunts your emotions and lures you into an eternal slumber. How softly it sounds yet it brings back your haunts. The soul starts to float, awaiting your imagination; let it flow. Let me out, let us out... its been a tad long time. Surrender to the music of the night; set it free, set us free, let it roam, let us roam....

Silence...

Your smile disappeared, i noticed. The way you stared into space, arms folded; something's bothering you yet i can't bring myself to say a word. The lights reflected in your eyes now seem dulled. I wanted to put my arms around your shoulder and tell you that i care, im here. Yet, somehow from the way you positioned yourself even though your just beside me; told me that you don't need it. Over that sharp tingling feeling, i tried to smile. Hoping that probably you will find it a little more comfortable at least, despite the silence, your troubles and the barrier between us. Its clear that we both look for different things and we have literally no topic to talk about. Yet, i still try to pretend we had something to talk about, something to share about, something to laugh about and something to argue about. Although, it has always been silent; im still happy, at least we have something to be silent about.....

You have your world, clearly i'm from a different universe entirely. . . I know....

Let Go

What is this feeling? I knew, but still why? The things i wanted, wished for, needed. Nothing turned out the way i anticipated, the way i expected. I remember, back then. I always enjoyed walking home, in reality i was alone but in my world i was not. I came a long way; cried and broke down many times, believing i was getting stronger in the process. Was it just some sort of self-comforting words i put up with just to pull through or am i really getting stronger?

Every time i fell, i got right back up. Pushing myself further, trying to learn whatever i can from it. When i told myself i got to get stronger, smarter, wiser i knew; it ain't gonna be easy. The things i've lost to get those attributes, for knowing too much. Was it worth it? I knew the price to pay, yet i persisted, believing otherwise. There are just so many things i want to be able to share, to let you know. Yet, i can't; there isn't anyone for me to tell. I understand now, however... i wont deny it any longer....

P.S, PikPik, Bobo, Pil, Softy, Ordu, Behbeh, Dovey. You are all that i need. :D

Sometimes.

"Sometimes i just need you to walk with me, talk to me, be silent with me, stand with me and be my somebody."

The shore is just ahead, our shore...

Drifted across the vast ocean, through storms overcame waves big and small. I can finally say, the shore is just ahead, i see it. We survived! On a little boat known as Family, the five of us traveled the seas. No doubt we got ourselves lost, attacked by giant sea monsters, sailed titan waves yet we are still here; strong. Sometimes being lost is just so close to being found. The rainbow, and the pot of gold on the other side. I believed, even through times where all hope seemed lost. Where nothing mattered anymore, i still believed. I've got to thank Anthony Robbins and Jack Canfield, for the theories and facts that woke me; cleared my mind and filled me. I pulled through; the change i've been eagerly waiting for is starting....we are going back up!

My Beautiful Hangover

I buried my face in my arms, trying hard to shake that feeling off. I remembered the night before, while the music played, i saw you dancing in the crowd. Your eyes looking at me, killing me. The way you moved, my heart moved with you. I breathed, taking another big sip. Soon my body started moving on its own, fallen victim to the music, your beauty. Your lips touched mine as you walked pass me; we stared. Your lips was as cold as ice, yet it warms my inside. "Give it to me" i said, "give me love, love, love..."

I can't stop thinking about you, the face in that ever changing lights. The music that carried my body away as you slowly teased me with your eyes, your lips. My head spun, my heart raced. I floated, like in space i was dreaming. Yet, i never quite lost the sense of reality. I woke up only to find that i had fallen back down, down to earth. My body felt so heavy, it was tough trying to get up from my bed. My head hurt, yet i can still catch the bits and pieces of you dancing in my head. "I wanna go back into that dream.." I need that dream in my reality, i cannot forget, im not satisfied. I need more..... Give me my Beautiful Hangover, Hangover....

Dragonica

As i slowly opened my eyes, i can hear the cheerful songs of birds by the greens somewhere. The cool breeze and whispers of the trees, i knew i was dreaming. I tried to get up, only to realize just how soft the grass felt under my bare feet. I looked around, trying hard to recall what exactly happened, and how did i end up here? Most importantly, where am i?

I shook my head in dismay, it hurt. The sun was gazing down gently, as the clear blue sky continued to enchant in beauty. I began to finally start moving my feet, exploring. Hoping to find clues, yet moments after moments; nothing. In a huge grassland, with a few trees not beyond visibility. It would seemed as though im the only one stranded here. I sighed about to give up and it was then, "Hey you!" a strong stern voice came not far from where i stood. I scanned around, looking for the source of mysterious stern voice, only to find nothing. "Maybe im hallucinating..." i thought, slightly worried as i moved under a tree for shelter, perhaps a needy rest. The tree was huge, filled with leaves that could have never been greener and healthier. "Hey you!" the voice came again, this time it sounded a lot closer to me than it was moments ago. I looked around again, surprised. The leaves then started a sudden rustle, like as though something appeared earning its attention for its whisper. "Up here!" i looked up, responding to its call. A hooded man in green, carrying a rather decorated bow. The shade of the leaves encouraged his mystique further, face within his hood; only a slight smirk was visible. He took a leap and with a soft thud, he was standing right next to me."Hes fast....." i thought to myself as i scanned him as quickly as my eyes could offer.

"Who are you?" i took a step backwards.

"Your lost?"

"You can say so... but who are you?" I persisted.

"Perhaps you should introduce yourself before asking another his name?"He replied smartly as he proceeded to remove his hood, revealing a rather young, handsome man, with pale blond pony tail.

"errr....Tatsyu...."

"Thats better.... my name is Sephilow. Im sure you must have a lot of question that needs answering." He raised his hands, and guided my vision across the horizon. "but first, Welcome to Dragonica......."

Should Gay Couples Be Able To Marry?

A few thousand years ago, homosexuality was considered a culture. Filled with poems and wine, they sing of unconditional love between two men and the society accepted it as something very beautiful. Few thousand years later, things appeared to be quite the opposite. Despised by most, homosexuality took refuge in an underground society; away from the world.

When did such a beautiful culture turn unproductive or abnormal in the eyes of the world? Even so, they still exist, populating a rough thirty percent of the world’s population. Most of them spend their lives unwilling and unable to be truthful about who they are, or what they are; yet some are living their homosexual lifestyle openly despite on how everybody else look at them. They have been branded as something alien, abnormal, or some even consider them evil; the seeds of the devil or even look down upon. Considering that, living their lives openly as who they are and what they are may just as well be challenging enough; so what about marriage? Should gay couples be able to marry? One question that sparked a never-ending debate throughout the century.

“Homosexuality is against nature and most importantly wrong in the eyes of God”. That is what most would say when asked of their opinions about homosexuality. They cling to their religion and some misplace sense of self-proclaimed righteousness, shouting about their beliefs on what is right or wrong; but what is right and what is wrong? As quoted by Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad, right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.” No matter their reasons for disapproving homosexuality, it is nothing but a process of nerves transmitting signals throughout their brain, an idea, and a thought. Yet, it never did cross their mind to find out the reason behind this forsaken underground society of people who prefers others of the same sex. After all, issues like this mostly depends on our religious values and the environment, which we are raised in.

All humans should have the liberty of having to choose their way of life, their beliefs. Not deny themselves of who they are and what they are just because the society disapproves. Many a Christian would argue, "a person is wrong for being homosexual" but is it? When so many good people in our society are in fact gay. Where actions such as "killing a man is wrong," no doubt society would definitely agree on this one. But what if the murderer claimed his god ordered him to kill for the greater good of the whole nation and he believes he did the right thing. Is he wrong, is he right?

Gay or not, as long as we are human; we bleed just the same, look just the same and have emotions all the same. There is no reason to condemn or judge another base on our beliefs or religious values. I personally feel that homosexuality should have the rights to live their lives the way they see fit. Marriage however is nothing but a symbol of commitment in a relationship, I don’t see the fault and harm in allowing someone to commit himself in one. Don’t you think so?

Different in the same way. . .

Scratching my head as i read your post in dismay; not because of what you wrote, but rather what it reminded me of. I remember the times when i used to dream of a more peaceful reality. I wanted a normal life just like any other guy out on the streets; things would then be so much easier. Like the tides, it push and pulls; just like life, as it gives and it takes. I can't exactly recall much of my childhood, mainly because there isn't much to remember. Well, these few days i have been drowning myself with facebook games; at what cause? Probably to take my mind off things. I'm not in focus sometimes, things just seem all pointless and meaningless. Feels like i'm moving towards somewhere pictured and realized only by faith, nothing more. The doubt that poisons my mind every time i took a step closer. I can't say i'm lost; i have goals, i have dreams, i have a mission. Yet somehow i feel lost, lost within myself. Every step seems heavier than the last, when are things going to pull through? Just like i dreamed, the way i pictured, i believed? There is no guarantee...

I want to see that rainbow after the rain stops, that pot of gold on the other side of it.....when?

Penang The Food Paradise

Haagen-Daz, a sentimental way to end my last night in Penang. Overall; AWESOMENESS!!!

Was emoing with the katana, and he snapped a pic.

This is more like it, Fruit Rojak!

Junyang ordered me some Jellyfish thing... how? taste like jelly ahahaha

The Port

Took the Ferry a couple of times back and forth, first time hehe thats why. Felt like some Hong Kong drama thing....

While on the bus, i came across this. Wtf? Even police is hitting on FB?

The Old School pizza where they use the chimney looking oven to cook one.

Shit man, i tell you, the Ikan Bakar, fucking nice.... XD

Dinner! Quek Quek!

Fuck, why did i even post this up, i look so "Handsome" sehhhh XD

Back in the hotel, Jun Yang was rolling around after a Katana duel.

All the fishes the small kid was trying to kill with big chunks of Gardinia.

Check out all the "Wu Gui"sss wei.. saw them on my way up the temple.

Ahah!!! Theres me model... hahahah

The cable car sort of thing, on our way up to see her... haha

Went to the Ket Lok Si (Cat Cannot See) Temple. Guan Yin was my Model appointment. XD

Took a short stroll down Gurney Drive; we were talking about G?

JunYang getting his candid treatments XD

Do not under-estimate this picture, it consist of nothing but BABI!

It was nice to see Wen Quan after so long, but still didnt get to give him a proper goodbye.

Hallelujah! Char Kueh Tieow!

Jun Yang ordered Oo jian.

Food was awesome. First thing for me, Hokkien Mee!

Reached Penang, and had awesome dinner with JunYang and Wen Quan.

The Way I Write About Things

I used to write about stars, destinies and fate; yet now i write like everyone else. About my regular activities, whatever that may have came my way as I move along the journey of limited time; through life. Time used to be against me, now it still is. I have visions and voices in my head, telling me stories that fits the missing pieces of the puzzle. Perhaps I'm crazy, but the truth is, all the best people are. I seem to be neglecting my inspiration; far too much distraction. I need to find my inner peace once again, to gain balance and gain total control of whats within. . .

Hari Raya!

Dragged my feet up those steps after exchanging goodbyes and wishes to Jason and Elisha; it is her birthday today. We drank and talked, she is quite the funny lady to begin with; she seemed happy, i'm glad. As i was proceeding up to my apartment, i noticed the sound of water flowing a good ten feet away from where i was. I looked up to the sky, it seemed as though someone dyed it blood red. "About to rain i guess..." i thought to myself with a sigh.

I cant say i have much on my mind, but just a sense of satisfaction somewhere within me. It was a rather long day today, besides the drinking. I hung out with Nicholas Chen (Stephanie's little bro) earlier today. Exchanged our views over a lot of things, well i'm just glad he still kept the tradition of . . . . well its a guy's thing XD

On the side note, its HARI RAYA!!!! Not like it matters much to me, but regards from me anyways for those who celebrates it. Well, i guess that's it for now. Goodnights everyone, whether or not its your birthday today, or perhaps to some who thinks that this is just like any another night; sweet dreams, you got a big day tomorrow! ^^

One Love

‎"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
- Bob Marley

I was going about facebook as usual, and i came across a phrase Bob Marley used to say. It caught my eye, tingled my nerves and send tiny shock waves to my brain saying "I Fucking Agree!" Well, God if you truly exist; bring back Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix, thank you. Amen.

Since then, i have been thinking. Who are the ones generally worth suffering for? Besides your family, besides yourself; who else? I have a few; Lee Jun Yang; wait on second thought, only one.
Up until a few days ago, i thought i have another whom i think its worth suffering for. But honestly i have to hand it to him, i give up.

I was reading Andrew Chong's blog, i came to realize that his command of English is way unexpected; fluent, lively and very philosophical. The way he describe his thoughts with a dash of mystery . I told him, i had no absolute idea at all that he's mind was so brilliant. Im surprised.
We were talking about relationships, love particularly. It was then i thought to myself, "Damn i envy him." As much as im loving every bit of my singularity, yet i cant help but to feel a little lonely at the same time. Somewhere inside of us, everybody wants a somebody to matter in their lives. I guess... so do i.

I spoke to Wai Ken today like finally and he said;

"I miss you and high school; it was simpler then and simplicity is the best"

True, i agreed nevertheless. Somehow after hearing him say that, i began to feel bad about not being able to hang out with him more last time. Mainly due to my busy working schedule. Though, im glad i told him im willing to spend more time with him since im not working anymore; for old times sake. ^^

Im will be on a trip to Penang with JunYang next week. Finally got to go on a trip with a friend, a fucking good friend. All the good food, the free hotel room, and definitely i am going to cam whore with him! *Grins (JunYang if you are reading this, be prepared, get ready. Rock and Roll! KaCHING!) I still remember the first time we met, the awfully quiet monotonous; short messy hair boy, oh ya thick frame-less specs too. Look at him now, stylish hair, contact lens; looking good! Well, im glad i found him. He is by far the only person i know, not related by blood to be able to fully accept me for who i am and what i am, not because of what or who he wants me to be.

Destiny really is a funny thing isn't it? Haha.

Its broken. . .

Im having my old nostalgic feelings once again. Probably due to a series of chained events, very minor and unimportant when they came; now all jumbled up together. Just like a bottled up coke ready to explode. I thought i found a certain someone, however it doesn't seem to be the case; not until the end no...

Maybe i was expecting too much, which explains the fucked up feeling when things don't fulfill. Well that is case number one, there are still bazillion gazillion more things haunting me. Probably enough to open up my own governmental sector of private affairs.

I remember the times when i used to walk back home under the sun. Thoughts and dreams filled my head with every step. The feeling of someone walking beside me which appeared to be just a figment of my imagination; all the things that i wished existed. I came a long way, and there is still a lot more to go. I miss those days where nothing mattered, well at least not that much. The nights where i sat staring at the screen waiting for inspiration to hit, while the fridge clicked. The flies that came and died by the rolled up newspapers. The dog in which i shared a certain bond with, the atmosphere, the jazz, the blues, Norah Jones....now all gone. I moved on; but i still miss them all.

Emo was my alter ego. The secret life i lead after the sun sets, all those words i had and played with like the flow of water. The rhymes, the poems. The "someone...." When would it be the day my dream finally ends? Perhaps an end with a beginning of another? Seriously, i don't mind just as long as this ends. . .

The Korean Dream

A lot of talk has been going around lately, about the above. Just look at it, enough said. Perhaps its the raging hormones or probably maybe, its a guy thing. Something that every guy seems to be secretly yearning for deep inside, whether or not they show it would be an entirely different issue; but at least they want it, they wish for it. Well, i have to say. So do I.

I am going to make it a point to do whatever it takes to get that, its a goal. Not just a dream that just ends up like another fantasy which only happens when you close your eyes or daydream. Rather something that will exist in reality, on me. Or.... i could crop my face onto this picture, but what good would that bring? If only you can just imagine me with that body. Ohhlala, how many innocent am i going to kill? (joking ^^) I have to get my lazy butt, and find the motivation to do it. Wait a minute, what the heck am i talking about? Just look at that body! Im motivated enough. Means what? No more fat food? Possibly no more smoking?

Like what Anthony Robbins used to say, humans are motivated by two things in life and only two; pain and pleasure. Whatever we do in our lives, no matter what decisions we make. We do them to avoid pain and gain pleasure. I guess i found my pain and my pleasure in wanting to work for something so sexy....mwahahahahaha! *grins

It would be a six month project for starters, but i figured its gonna take more than six month for something so perfect. Oh well, but not just the body. The hair (not tae yang's hair of course XD) and everything else. I will do it, i must, i have to!

Toilet Bowl

The smooth, semi reflective texture. Curved lines that shapes your unseen desires. As important as it is in our everyday lives, we speak little or not at all of it. How it holds and stays; be there when we are in need, when nature calls, we find that the toilet bowl is in fact our savior, our hero. I used to sit by the toilet bowl when i was younger, not for any other purpose except to connect with what i call my universe. A vast imaginative pool of limitless ideas or inspiration for me to tap into; to download data from. Other times, well you should know...

What marvelous invention it is, the flushing system. As unlikely it is to be something inspirational, it has its own educational values. When your life is just so filled up with shit, all you have to do is to take the courage and flush it all away. Some forget, some simply can't only because they think they can't. Well, flushing just ain't no problem or obstacle to me. When things get ugly or smelly, thank hade's penis there is a cap to hide it all away. Just like what people would normally do, hide it all away. I guess everything would be so much simpler if we can see it in the toilet bowl sense, cap it, flush it. Anyways, you must be wondering why am i writing about toilet bowl this very night while listening to jazz. I gotta say, its quite the challenge and one particularly out of the blue ridiculous challenge between me and Lee JunYang. I did it, so did he i suppose. Come to think of it, i haven't been blogging for the past month or so and i came back writing with a twist about toilet bowls. A good start, very good start.... haha XD

I think i finally had enough of that candy...

Tonight, i think i finally realized. Sometimes whatever things you may have pictured in your mind from time to time or perhaps fantasized about may not be the same when you are actually living it; funny. My throat has been suffering minor injuries since yesterday and i called in the white cavalry just one or two hours ago; pure white semi-shiny mineral known as Agent Salt. Conclusion? The two day war ended in thirty minutes; aliens lost and died. Hooray!

Not too long ago, someone told me "familiarity breeds contempt". The voices that lurks around every corner, the eyes the scans and gaze in your shadows. Imagination soon takes over your mysterious stalkers; under skins of others. I can't help but to say; i think i had enough. I can't do it, i just can't be that someone im not. I can't fit it. I feel terrible, unwanted, unaware, stupid, lost and perhaps like an idiot. Who am i to kid?

What an interesting day today. Drama filled day, wished i had popcorn when it happened. I saw people cheating people in relationships, playing mind games, friends getting jealous over miraculous reasons, people with family problems; most importantly i saw the things they were experiencing in form of tears, sarcasm alike.

Well im tired.. really tired...

I cant see...

Days passed and the skies turned from dark to gray. The more i tried desperately to figure out why, here i am missing the clicks made from a very old refrigerator that i used to fantasize about when i was just a few years younger. Those were the days when i felt all so terrified, so alone somehow. No matter who i was with or whom i was hanging out with, it was never enough.

College turned out just fine; crazy company fit for a crazy man like me. A group of friends whom we danced like monkeys and laughed about nipples over cigarette sessions just by the staircase. Meeting up for assignments yet ended up doing something else instead; and i met a boy whose all so perfect like a friend i never had. He has small eyes, messy hair, rather tall (taller than me) and a rather simple personality. You got to love his smile, his walk, his gestures and his voice. A unique one i would say; im happy i met you.

How much more could one possibly expect? Well im satisfied for now XD thanks.

Go Go Rangers!

I write whatever that comes to my mind. They say im crazy, well im not. Haven't been updating much lately, no more blues or jazz. Norah Jones bites the dust; Stevie Ray Vaughn keeps his guitar in the cemetery. Those were the nights when i felt all so alone, scared and empty. Those nights where hid myself in my secret fantasy getaway, with all so much to blog about. But now?

I Love You

I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But, when I think of you
I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear
Words that are old as time
Words only you would hear
If only you were mine

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you
Should have made my move when you looked in my eyes
'Cause, by now, I know that you'd feel the way that I do
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side

I love you
Please say you love me, too
These three words, they could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
'Til the end of time

So, today, I fin'lly find
The courage deep inside
Just to walk right up to your door
But my body can't move
When I fin'lly get to it
Just like a thousand times before

Then, without a word, he handed me this letter
Read, I hope this finds the way into your heart
It said

Well, maybe I, I need a little love
And, maybe, I, I need a little care, yeah
And, maybe, I, maybe you, maybe you
Oh, you need somebody just to hold you
If you do, just reach out
And I'll be there

PikPik

I would first like to announce the arrival of Mr.PikPik last week. Haven't really got the time to update lately. All that god knows what I've been doing for the WHOLE of last week. Speaking of which, Naruto and Bleach came out two days ago. hehe *grins

College life will be starting soon; so many things to do before a new life begins. I have my car L license wayyyyyyyy overdue, my Gundams to touch up, a script to complete, a stop motion picture to film, Magic the Gathering Card Game to perfect, pictures to take; gosh there is just so much to do, so little time. Which reminds me, i need to get PikPik's lens on Broga Hills soon; to those who are interested (though i seriously doubt among my ring of friends, there will be more than two who are actually interested to climb a hill at possibly 4 in the morning just to take a sniff of nature and watch the bloody sunset)well, just let me know. ^^

Sherman is probably arranging another long forgotten game of Paintball, nyahhhhhh can't wait. I guess things are going pretty well lately, though somehow i still feel like something's missing. I got everything i wanted at the moment, yet something is still missing. Well anyways, hallelujah people i shall upload some pictures i took with PikPik's eyeballs next post! Ciaos!

Of The Days Shadowed By Clouds and Quenching Rain, I Found My Rainbow.

I can't exactly recall the last time i asked myself how happy i really was. Alot has been going on lately; or rather much has happened over the past two weeks. For some reason, in my act of justice; the world now hates me. I was merely delivering their complains and ideals in form of justice, my justice. That being said, am i still wrong? They see now as the sweet innocent boy who for some unknown reason changed, and became that vicous, crazy maniac set loose on the political dancefloor. While i on the other hand, does their dirty work; materializing their inner-darker desires. Humans are such indespicable creatures.

Stop fighting? At what cause? For friends? WHAT are friends? Friends stand by you with full acknowledgement of your actions or go against you for principles that seemed right personally to them? Honestly, if you find it hard to understand me or my actions, or simply can't do it for whatever reasons to find that little bit of courage in you, then Just Don't Get Involved.... Swept by the violent undercurrent of more years to grow old, there simply isn't much left to lose.

___________________________________________________

On the other hand, PENANG was awesome. With all that good food and stuff, was finally able to relax myself abit from all that jazz. Credits to Nelson for bringing me around to all the nice places and good food. Playing card games by the beach, gazing upon the horizon;while thesun sets, i pray to Aphrodite.

On the side note; I BOUGHT MYSELF A NEW PAIR OF CONVERSE!!!!!! YEEEHAA! Check out my baby!

Anyways, this was suppose to be a long post but im rather lazy. Will update more soon i suppose ahahah. Cheers!!

So Far...

Thunder cracking, earth shaking and people dying. So far, that is what's happening around the world lately. There are those who vowed to make the world a little bit better to live in, and others just don't seem to care.

When was the last time we took a break and understand each other instead of fighting for what seems right personally? The power of stubbornness in the wrong hands, while the lives of others suffer. Thus, injecting the world with more conflicts. That is the world we all live in, a world known as Earth, and a world we call home.

Yet its those conflicts that helps lay out the foundation in our lives; for the better or the worst. Ironic isn't it? Tell me about it. Well, Its been really tiring lately, with all that never-ending load of work.

I got my Salem's mask bout almost two weeks ago; and got myself some wrist bands. That's two of my goals this year; done. ^^


Anyways, a little update on what i got myself last week. A book by Anthony Robbins; "Awaken The Giant Within". Anthony "Tony" Robbins was born in February 29, 196o. An American self-help author and motivational speaker. His seminars and books features NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Ericksonian Hypnosis, something in which he was famous for.

Read the first chapter, and he was focusing on the effects of Decision making. One very powerful tool in which was believed to have been inside us since the dawn of the world; given to every man and woman. A power to shape their own dreams and ultimately their destiny. As quoted by him "It Is In Your Moments Of Decisions That Your Destiny Is Shaped"

Hopefully i may be able to share more as i adventure further into his book. Though i do recommend those who are interested to know the "SECRET" to get this book. Speaking of which i have designs to rush. Will update more soon, adios!

Blood

Its been quite sometime since i saw blood flow like that. I was being a sadist, even though only for a moment. I licked it, honestly. Yeah, i can almost already hear the "ewwwww" reverberating in my skull. Its just blood, at least not cum? XD

Glad i had something to do yesterday and today. Went to Alex's new house for a slumber night out. Apparently, according to alex, my role was to "warm" the house for Chinese New Years. Funneh!?
Went for a movie marathon the next day, YEAP! Today!

Watched 14 Blades and Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief. Well, too much cina movies for the cina new year. Everything is going as lazy and slow for the holidays.

Seems like the Army of Two Mask is in the airport already. Can't wait for it to arrive safely in my hands, where i can put it on and hit Shanghai with a BANG BANG! HERE COMES SALEM!
Im getting rather annoyed by the way some people is reacting, or doing behind my back. Constantly seeking information on my whereabouts, the stuff that i did, on and on like a psychologically disturbed maniac deprived so much of attention. Boy is she getting on my nerves. Making bitchy statements to my sister. Its way over-board.

I see her shadow everywhere i go, they keep telling me that she understands now. Shes different now, but whatever that she is doing, she simply isn't giving me any chance to believe in whatever they say. Even just for a brief moment. I made a point never to write about anybody in particular in my blog, except for my feelings in a very confusing way. But i guess i just can't help it. I know she be reading it. Well, i shall keep her name and personal particulars private for that matter. Its the least humane thing i could do for her. Honestly, if this goes on, i promise i will personally break those bonds we shared; i mean it.

Other than that, new years fine... so far. Well, Ima hit the slumber train now. Aeron says to meet him in slumberland at 3am; in an open field filled with flowers and wheat. Yeah i know, why wheat? 0.0 Nites!

The GRRRRR New Year

Never thought i would be blogging in a cc, especially on the countdown to eves. Slept from 6pm till 11am yesterday; never thought i would say this but, im damn sick of sleeping. LOL! Works been hectic recently, with all that nagging and constant limitless expectations of results. Damn, it just keeps getting better and better. When life seem nevertheless meaningless by the days, theres always one person or someone to keep it interesting. So much for new years, its only just the first day and its boring my eyeballs off. On a side note, its really hot these days, so hot that even charizards can die.

Been revisiting my world of creativity. I feel a story coming on, i run on inspiration. Reunion dinner was awesome, drank the "its been 4 years since i last drank" lotus soup. Really good food whole day long. Just looking out by the balcony, all those houses lined in rows. All those people having their dinners same as i was. I don't know but it was a cool thought. I can't imagine just how it was like to see the world through their point of view. So many different stories to be told. I think i sort of forgotten how it was like to have someone real close to me. Someone whom i do everything and everything together. Someone whom i depend on and vice-versa. But then again,those feelings existed only in my fantasy. It never did happen.

Come to think of it, i still have Jason's Gundam Unicorn to complete. At least something to do for Chinese New Years. Well just in-case, nothing pops up. I mean really...

Well for all those peeps and bitches out there, Have a Great Chinese New Year, don't be too ang pao minded, when visiting pals, do it for the sake of them, not the ang paos! XD That was the true meaning of Chinese New Year anyways. Ciaoz. Grrrrrrrrrrr

My Journey Over The Rainbow So Far

"I like to believe Fantasies exist" honestly i do. So far back in the past, there were probably countless things I've missed out on; things i was not given a choice to; or perhaps it is too late now to think i have a choice back then. Recently, as i tried to accept there really are fantasies in this world; the more disappointing it gets.

Rushing for a dateline, my designs for upcoming OPEN DAY left unattended. Dying for inspiration to hit me so that i may continue my work; My fire is burning on inspiration, without it im nothing more than just a kid. Been really busy lately, trying hard to solve and face every problems and challenges thrown at me; with a smile of course XD.

Can't wait for New Years Holiday, applied leave so i sort of got the whole week off. To goof around, feel lazy and be my age again. Though i seriously doubt i have anywhere to go during Chinese New Year, so much for all those hopes and promises; except perhaps slumber land? lol.

I can't give up, giving up simply just ain't an option; though somehow i see no point in doing so. Damn, the pessimism is killing me, its like my soul is split into two. The optimistic one and the Pessimistic one. Life just ain't so fun anymore when you know its just a lie; sometimes i wish i can live forever-more in a lie. But then again, even so, someday the dream will end won't it?

Adios my lovables, have a great night!

Williams!

Went to William's for dinner tonight. Honestly, three words " DAMN FULL WEI!!!" Food was awesome, cheered me up big time. Nothing works better than good food. Told Aeron about it, thought of bringing him there to try sometime. Like a wise men once said, Sharing is Caring. Yeah. Past two weeks' been rather tiring, working on without rest. Getting screwed by boss for slack of sales and the usual yada da mango routines. Still all that cranky today, but everything's fine after talking to plants, punching of keyboards, lots of ciggys and some usual hang outs. I cant really seem to find the source of this unbelievable rage that is residing within me. I must seek to find my zen of peace once again, meditate in the shower pretending it to be nature's waterfall. Yes i should. . . .

Still, please continue to surprise me life, bring it on, and i will rock the sock with a song. Imitating the Michael Jackson dance, getting high on sugar and goofing all day till my troubles or stress gets sick of me. XD YEAH! Thats how i ROLL! Cheers!

Crazy day.....but its life

Like a microwave and freezer all in a day, well more like a stretch of days. It may have affected our moods; if not by a little at least. I'm cranky and short tempered, coming to the past one week now. Little things pisses me off, and i imagine the greatest torture i can present to those who angers me. Three deep breaths and a frown helped controlled and calmed my soul. My "Cheng Cheng" (above) is growing rather elegantly under my care. A little bit of love, some music top with frequent sunbath, shes growing like one fine plant! Xd

Yeah, hung out with Aeron and John the other day. Surprises, surprises. It was really nice to have met them. I felt like I'm reliving some moments that never would have existed except perhaps only in my secret dreams of virtual reality. Something i never had; or possibly forgotten.
Well, it was nice, real nice. . . ^^

Sheeeeshaaaa....

Went shisha with Jason and Sherman tonight, did lots of funny stuff with smoke. Well things are abit off the hook lately, especially with all that jazz. Still life stays in cartoon motion like how i would like to see it. Its funny how things can happen just like that; unexpected. For eg. im not sure how or why are my text underlined, i cant seem to turn it off!

Every morning i would tell my life, "SURPRISE ME" and honestly i swear! Im getting surprises just about every corner. As the saying goes, becareful on what you wish for. XD

KATON GYOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!

SUITON! DAIBAKUSUI SOHA!

The DRAGON!!!!

On Our Way Back.

Peace and Goodnights Pigs and BABIs! XD