Afraid...

Cars and trucks moved along their lanes, busily heading towards their destination. As i gazed by the side window, i saw a star filled night sky. Such beauty, constellations seemed to be smiling at me. I smiled too, as if i just found a new friend. A few cigarettes later, thoughts a thousand miles away. I asked myself, "hey, where am i going? Of course home, but what about my journey in life?" i wasn't exactly sure why, but it felt as if someone added weights on my back the moment i passed the border between nowhere and home.

The smell of the not so fresh air accompanied by the slight chills of the night. I remembered many things, my mind's a freaking cinema. There is just so much i wanted to do, the things i dreamed of; left forgotten in some forsaken corner of my mind. Followed by countless thoughts of what if's, leading my mind to a complete cease; blanks. The pain and the tears, moments not worth remembering, memories that haunted and the bogey man from my childhood. When will i be able to let them go?

I wanna grow up now, take up responsibilities, paint my life with the amazing colors of my choice. To be the artist and author of both my dreams and my story. A day many years down that road in some well lived future, a story for the generations to tell. A name to be remembered throughout the ages. My mom used to tell me the visions and dreams she had about me before my birth. The mystery to my purpose of existence in this world. They all but point to something more than just the ordinary. Yet look at me now? The ordinary.

Perhaps i am afraid of the things that lies ahead or afraid of what i may not or can never become. Fears of not being able to be as my future foretold. Ironically, i never truly believed in such things. Explains the uncertainty inside me. When there is nothing to believe in and nothing to hope for. Yes, i am afraid...afraid to move on.....