I've spent countless nights drawing out potential strategies on mahjong papers only to find my efforts futile. What was it that i was holding on to, despite knowing that it was inevitable? Of politics and the onsets of seemingly never ending obstacles, I manage to muster a team of unique individuals called the Innovators. 6 months went like a breeze, fought countless battles; opting for a change, a new system. Something people could remember us by. As the days passed like rain in the mountains, so did our team, they left one after another. The very thing that complimented their fall and challenged their belief is now doing the very same to me.
Jun called me earlier today, warning me that we may be focusing on something meaningless; I agreed without a doubt. Yet, I'm still not ready to give up. It may be a waste of time, true. However, giving up now means i have REALLY wasted all the time i've spent on Student Council. I gave up on many things throughout my life, mostly during times when its the hardest and offers no return. If I give up now, it would be the same for me all over again. Its something that I'm willing to fight for, something I'm willing to hold on to. I got to finish what I started.....i have to.
Tomorrow's always a mystery, that's why its worth fighting for. Don't you think so?
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Afraid...
Cars and trucks moved along their lanes, busily heading towards their destination. As i gazed by the side window, i saw a star filled night sky. Such beauty, constellations seemed to be smiling at me. I smiled too, as if i just found a new friend. A few cigarettes later, thoughts a thousand miles away. I asked myself, "hey, where am i going? Of course home, but what about my journey in life?" i wasn't exactly sure why, but it felt as if someone added weights on my back the moment i passed the border between nowhere and home.
The smell of the not so fresh air accompanied by the slight chills of the night. I remembered many things, my mind's a freaking cinema. There is just so much i wanted to do, the things i dreamed of; left forgotten in some forsaken corner of my mind. Followed by countless thoughts of what if's, leading my mind to a complete cease; blanks. The pain and the tears, moments not worth remembering, memories that haunted and the bogey man from my childhood. When will i be able to let them go?
I wanna grow up now, take up responsibilities, paint my life with the amazing colors of my choice. To be the artist and author of both my dreams and my story. A day many years down that road in some well lived future, a story for the generations to tell. A name to be remembered throughout the ages. My mom used to tell me the visions and dreams she had about me before my birth. The mystery to my purpose of existence in this world. They all but point to something more than just the ordinary. Yet look at me now? The ordinary.
Perhaps i am afraid of the things that lies ahead or afraid of what i may not or can never become. Fears of not being able to be as my future foretold. Ironically, i never truly believed in such things. Explains the uncertainty inside me. When there is nothing to believe in and nothing to hope for. Yes, i am afraid...afraid to move on.....
The smell of the not so fresh air accompanied by the slight chills of the night. I remembered many things, my mind's a freaking cinema. There is just so much i wanted to do, the things i dreamed of; left forgotten in some forsaken corner of my mind. Followed by countless thoughts of what if's, leading my mind to a complete cease; blanks. The pain and the tears, moments not worth remembering, memories that haunted and the bogey man from my childhood. When will i be able to let them go?
I wanna grow up now, take up responsibilities, paint my life with the amazing colors of my choice. To be the artist and author of both my dreams and my story. A day many years down that road in some well lived future, a story for the generations to tell. A name to be remembered throughout the ages. My mom used to tell me the visions and dreams she had about me before my birth. The mystery to my purpose of existence in this world. They all but point to something more than just the ordinary. Yet look at me now? The ordinary.
Perhaps i am afraid of the things that lies ahead or afraid of what i may not or can never become. Fears of not being able to be as my future foretold. Ironically, i never truly believed in such things. Explains the uncertainty inside me. When there is nothing to believe in and nothing to hope for. Yes, i am afraid...afraid to move on.....
Friday, June 3, 2011
An Escape...
A little about a week a few hundred miles away from home, i was certain i could find myself some answers. Away from all those that i fear, hated and regretted, i pulled myself away from that endless spiral into madness and got back into sanity; a temporary one for the very least. The beers and alcohol, beauty and the ugly, music and the pollution of pleasures reminded me just how far i am from the things i really want. i'm lost, what am i doing here? Why am i here? What is it that i desire most?
Yet somehow i am enjoying the tingles and chills of thrill you get when you find yourself in a place unknown. A place where everyone seems a stranger to everyone. i know, but maybe because i also know that sometimes being lost is just so close to being found. I have alot on my mind, i havent yet found what i came looking for but for now.... i sure miss home....
Yet somehow i am enjoying the tingles and chills of thrill you get when you find yourself in a place unknown. A place where everyone seems a stranger to everyone. i know, but maybe because i also know that sometimes being lost is just so close to being found. I have alot on my mind, i havent yet found what i came looking for but for now.... i sure miss home....
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)