Knights Of The Round Table

Recently, I realized just how I was pondering about many things. Having left the council entirely, I finally got myself some alone time. To think about stuff, do some soul searching and I realized just how scared I was, let alone lonely. Perhaps because my greatest and possibly the only friend I ever truly loved and cherished is leaving to a very faraway place over the other side of the world. 

I still remembered how that boy with short messy hair and all so quiet personality came into my life. We used to take our rides around the neighborhood streets, checking out houses, the big and the small. Telling each other just how we will own one of those in the future. Feeling the wind in our hair, we exchanged talks of our dreams; what we wanted to do with our lives. We would then stop by a nearby playground, sitting on the swings. He would listen attentively to my stories like a little kid. Our laughter, tears and little arguments and the usual wrestling sessions spawned a friendship I never thought mattered so much in my life. 

I can't seem to tell him just how much I am going to miss him and just how much I didn't want him to go. Feelings like these were always hard to speak out; at least for me. As the day for his departure drew ever closer, I felt my fears and sadness grew ever stronger. I never really had friends, or even excel at making them. Yet, he came like it was meant to be.

Remember that night? You were crying alone, standing in the middle of the street. I was there, I took you in my arms and told you I understood. Perhaps now its my turn to cry. Would you hold me in your arms like I did too? Mr. Lee Jun Yang, I really am going to miss you.....

I Tried To Smile....

Like paper mask in masquerade, people hide their faces so that the world will never find them. Their anger, jealousy, happiness or sadness. What are they really feeling deep down inside? Looks like nothing happened between you and I; we still that far away from each other.  Yet, I'm sad but not because of you rather of something else. I once told them, "This isn't about me, neither is it about you. This talent or whatever brains you have don't belong to just you anymore." There are bigger things to think about, to worry about. Everyone are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, when you put them all together you get the big picture;  a complete picture. Still, your ego took over, the desire for power, status and authority. The very things in which inspired gluttony. Between wisdom and smartness you may have very well chosen stupidity....... 

A little love topped with uncertainity.

I waited for the lift, watching as it hit the floors one by one; it has got to be the worst lift system ever. As the crowd gathered even more, readying themselves for classes. Talks of incomplete and forgotten assignments reverberated throughout the lobby floor. I looked around and their faces definately complimented it; there was guilt. Looking down and away most of them were, while others frowned their lips; the universal micro-expression of disbelief or some certain un-satisfaction. Others gave side smirks that vanished quicker than a fraction of a second, in contrary to what they were saying. I can't help but to see more and more of what their body is trying to say despite words that came out through their lips; ultimately i see the truth.

I found myself lost in trance, studying their expressions and the movement of their eyebrows and it was then when the lift door sprung open. It was just like any other day, i was running late for class. Staring at the buttons, hesitating if i should skip this round and submit to temptation. Then, you walked in. You smiled, with that innocent looking eyes. "Which floor?" i asked. You responded softly with a slight embarrassment that you were desperately trying so hard to hide. I smiled too, trying not to look. Though i have to admit, you caught my attention.

You were carrying loads of stuff, "an arts student i suppose". The sketch book that you were holding supported my theory even more. I remembered, we exited the lift on the 6th. Watching as you clumsily opened the door to your class just a few steps away. My heart was telling me to help, but i couldn't. For the first time in my life i was filling the tingle in my shy bone. Suffice to say, i turned and headed for the stairs.

After class, i saw you again on my way for lunch. You smiled again, I smiled too. My mind was blank, staring at you while you passed along that narrow pavement. You were this close to me. My heart was racing, pumping as hard as it could and I knew I was that a little into you. I wanted to say hi, wanted to call out to you. Yet again, I found myself at and inability to do so; I was afraid. Like a little kid who stared blankly at the lollipop or that action figure from outside the shop's window with glittering eyes.

As you disappeared slowly from view, disappointment slowly crept in. I tried hard not to think about it, "It's just another day after all..." I told myself. Yet, no matter how hard I to tried to fill my mind with other things, your presence stayed nevertheless. I was thinking about you. When i thought about my work, i thought about you instead. When i thought about food, i thought about having them with you. When i thought about anything else, you just seemed to be there; in my head.

The day went by quickly, almost meaningless until i realized my usual facebook routine back home ain't the same anymore. At least not today. You added me on Facebook. Questions started flooding my mind. How? Why? When? My thoughts like a crowded pub, i can't think right. So whats going to happen next i wonder? Im really not sure, but one things for certain. I really do like you.....