The clouds over the rainbow.

I don't know why, but i'm still in love with you. I try again and again to have hope, even though i knew i would end up the same every time, angry and sad; yet i still persisted. Perhaps i am waiting for the day, i finally be able to let you go, though i never got you in the first place. If you can't help me to feel any better, then help me to get worst, to a point where i can't feel anything anymore.

Without a Word

I shouldn’t have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place
I should have ran away
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place
Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
It came without a word
Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before
Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Then you ran away
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken
Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me

Starlight

In the distance light years from tomorrow
Far beyond yesterday
She is watching, heart aching with sorrow
She is broken, as she waits
Hoping when all is said and done we learn to love and be as one

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone

There are shadows sleeping on the horizon
Leave us scared and so afraid
As the fallout of a world divided
It brings her tears and so much pain
So we take cover from the dark
Hoping to find where we can start

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone
Starlight we’ll find a place where we belong

You will see as the mountains fall and turn to dust
And there’s one thing that won’t change
I believe there is something within each of us that always stays
That will always remain as long as love never fades

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone
Starlight we’ll find a place where we belong

She is watching, heart aching with sorrow
She is broken, as she waits

i hate you

I still remembered the first time you smiled at me; how we eventually got to know each other. You were hiding it, i know and i didn't cared. Every time you smiled, when you took a cigarette, i cant help but to find myself looking at you. I knew about your insecurities, the things you were afraid of. I know those were the things i can never really say i understood or accepted them; but i can say i am willing to be there for you when you need me. When your demons are a little too frightening, i can be there. When your thoughts flood, i will be there. When your angry, sad or bored i wanna be there. I'll be there till the stars don't shine, till the heavens burst and words don't rhyme.

All i ever wanted was to be that someone to you, that someone whom you will think about from time to time. That little someone who mattered even for the very least. When you said you needed time alone, i told you i understood. When you told me you were avoiding me, i said the same thing. When you told me you don't want to be that close to me anymore, i told you i know and that i understood it too or perhaps i didn't, but i pretended to anyways. I never expected anything from you, looking at you, standing by your side; it was already enough for me.

It hurts now, knowing that you loved me too and how it has already come to past. I wish i could say i understand, but i can't. No matter how hard i try i just can't anymore. You were always like that, never consider or cared about the feelings of others. You were always too deep within your own thoughts that you neglect those around you. You always thought that nobody can handle the things you have in your mind, but the truth is, nobody can and they don't care too. Im in love with YOU not your thoughts....if anything else mattered, it was only you.

I really do hate you for doing that. Why? Why can't you just let me live in my own fantasy and remain that way? At least, it was easier to love you from the side, help you get up when you fall. Smile when you smile. It was really enough for me..... really.....i love and hate you too.

Waiting for the time

Its Christmas, everyone's out having fun. The decoration on the streets, tiny LED bulbs that lit up the night. Love and laughter that comes with it, everyone has someone tightly in their arms tonight. Yet, i sit here wondering, what are you doing this Christmas? Where are you? I told Santa this year that i want you as my present, he just smiled. Your faraway, i know. But every time i look up to the sky, no matter the distance; somehow i feel a little closer to you. Its the same sky, same sun, same moon and stars that we are looking at ain't it?

Its been a few years now, i told myself not to count anymore. I miss you.

Merry Christmas, where ever you are... you are still here in my heart.

Santa's on his way...

Hear the reindeer bells, Santa's getting ready. Socks hanging by the fireplace, what do you want from Santa this year? Everybody's getting ready for the occasion. The golden brown turkey, coleslaw, mash potato. Children screaming over presents and toys, the spirit of Christmas. A time where the close ones gathers if not new bonds are made. I wonder, where will i be this coming Christmas?

The things i need to do.

My body is starting to reject the nicotine im injecting myself with. My lungs feels heavy, i can't breathe properly; i feel dizzy. Perhaps for once i may just be serious about quitting cigarettes.
A few weeks went by now, the elections over. Suffice to say, i won. Im the president now. The path i chose venture; long and hard. Deception would be the key to many things as of such.

I need to get my 2011 to do list done.