Take Care Now

You said we be fine, and then I left.

We said our goodbyes, we’ve crossed that line.

Four long years, four good years,

It was your smile that took my heart,

But now it’s one that brought me tears.   

I’ve watched you smiled, watched you frown.

Yet I can’t bear to watch you cry.

Take care now, my almost lover,

Take care now, my only friend.

The things you and I should have been.

The things you and I could never be.

You said you’ve won, but now you’re gone.

Took my soul and rocked my world,

I guess it’s true, I loved you.

Take care now, my almost lover,

Take care now, my dearest friend.

The things you and I could have been.

The things you and I could never be.

And like the waves you came, and I took the blame.

But I loved you and you know it’s true. 

Been Awhile...

How long has it been? It has definitely been awhile. Many things have happened over the past two years; there were many turn of events. Like a traveler walking steadily along that road that seems to stretch longer with my every step. Like how seasons changed, I been broken down and I got my head out of the clouds. I don't talk so loud and walk so proud anymore. It feels as though my flesh is slowly being scraped away from my bones.  

Everyone that enters your life are inevitably going to leave someday and it is usually hard to come to terms with whether or not they walk away dead or alive. What really matters are they things they leave behind when they do; memories. No matter good or bad, such are what i consider to be the most precious and beautiful. Memories gives existence its value; taking a little stroll down memory lane helped me realized just how much I've have lived. The one thing that makes me feel alive, the very thing that proves my existence. 

It was then I came to learn to appreciate every individual that enters my life. Although, it is not always you meet people but when you do, many would leave as soon as they enter while some very few actually chose to stay. No matter the duration, throughout the entirety of their stay I was able to give existence its meaning. Yes, I've made friends. 

I hope that I've brought joy to their lives like how they have brought joy to mine. Like the leafs that fall from branches in the face of the autumn wind; like all things that have a beginning must have an end. Before the day comes when we eventually go our separate ways, at the end of our little journey, before our many partings. I am happy that we got to share a journey together at some point, braced hardships and bonds that we've forged through tears and joy. I thank you, my friends, for the fellowships we have made and the problems of mine in which you have so patiently endured.

Our memories, I swear, will be etched deeply on the walls of my heart where it shall remain for as long as it beats. We will always be friends, no matter where we end up in the future. No matter where we are, you must know that I will always be there; in your hearts and you here in mine. 

What i want.

Listening to melodies that makes your heart sway, i find myself in a roundabout, twisting and turning along that familiar Mary- go- round. I don't blame you, really. A new phase in life is about to begin. Stars watch as i waste what youth i have left. Twirling about waiting for an answer to perhaps conveniently appear out of some misplaced sense of coincidence. Some call it stupidity, others wisdom though im not entirely sure myself. I want an adventure, i want a journey. I want you here by my side as we course through the vast seemingly endless ocean together. I want a life filled with surprises, things i can be apart of and be remembered. Where are you?

Dreamed a little Dream...

The days passed on rather quickly, in just a blink of an eye we are almost through with the month of May. It was not until recently that I noticed my last post was in fact back in February. It can only prove just how lazy I've become. I think I may have lost track of time; I cant seem to remember the last time I left myself back in that small dark corner, dreaming away and still is. Stars wheeled above me even if it was day, my mind somewhere else; a thousand and one miles away.

Nothing ever seemed right, the days passed on with busy people out in that open world while I locked myself up in solitary confinement back at home. As the sun sets, at times i would then venture out in the night seeking to kill those active brain cells, drowning them with over dosage of virtual reality. Im "introvert-ing". It was not until recently that I find my ability to converse with another human being has somehow declined. Its almost like my communication capabilities have gone back to stone-age; like a cave-men.

"I have a certain hunger within me that has been growing little by little. I yearn for it, I crave for it. Day and night, it fools my thoughts. Logic is becoming illogical....."

The sinking ship

Another storm is brewing. Its the calm before the storm. Throughout my life, i find myself anticipating what that is about to happen. Yet, somehow I am not feeling happy but a little sad. The stuff that i wished became possible, now imminent. I have been trying hard over the past few days to avoid or rather not to accept the truth. The fatherly figure that never existed in my childhood, the one I never thought i actually cared about; I finally felt something.

Im not sure if i am able to fully comprehend the changes that are to come forth in the coming months. Perhaps im not really that strong a person i believed myself to be. I used to blame him for the empty memories he left me, the mishaps in our family chronicles. Now, im not really sure if it mattered anymore. The weights on my shoulders just got heavier. Cigarettes ain't helping, not even the games i enjoyed.

Back in my room, back in that little corner of my mind tonight. Im getting that feeling again, the feeling that i don't ever want to wake up; just like 6 years ago. I want an escape, possibly another slumber. Even though i know very well more than anybody else that someday, that dream will end too. My mind's a mess. So many questions that needs answering. What would you do if you find yourself on a ship that's been sinking since 20 years ago and that its finally about to disappear beneath the cold hard undercurrent of the mighty ocean? I'm tired of holding on yet i know giving up isn't an option. Someone tell me, what the fuck should i do?

How i've wondered...

I've been rather tedious over tasks lately. Perhaps maybe due to the onset of Chinese New Year. Hundreds of people lined up over counters in supermarkets, convenience stores to pay for the goods and whatever they thought was best priced. The discounts and marketing gimmicks no doubt attracted a lot of attention, people buying what they don't need is one very good example. Seeing a new year coming at hand. Come to think of it, i never really had the chance to say goodbye to 2011. Time flies, i would say but nevertheless i had a wonderful year.

Jun came back for Christmas, did as many things we thought of doing as best as we could. Trying to maximize the limited time he had before he went back to Sunderland to continue his studies. The Broga hill climb was one of the most significant things we managed to do, not forgetting the delicious food we ate along the way throughout his holiday. Now his back there and I'm back to where i was, good times always pass so quickly. I do regret not being able to give him a hug before he left though.

2012 seems promising as of late, the year started out pretty well. Made some new friends over the first week of my new semester. I can't say much but i do enjoy the company somehow. I wonder what or how the rest of the year would turn out as the journey goes....

Living in a lie...

Been trying to turn my thoughts into words lately. Ghost of the past haunts me from time to time during my sleep. We all have skeletons in our closets, though sometimes it becomes too big to hide. Some get a bigger closet, some hide themselves under their blankets wishing it never happened while others take them out and display them as decoration.There are times when its better to live in a lie than the truth. Knowing something isn't necessary all that beneficial. Have you ever felt suppressed by the truth you are hiding, shivering uncontrollably, waiting to tell someone about it. The need to relief yourself of the pressure of being the only one who knows.

Sometimes i wished i had amnesia, things would be so much easier if i could just forget everything...