What i want.

Listening to melodies that makes your heart sway, i find myself in a roundabout, twisting and turning along that familiar Mary- go- round. I don't blame you, really. A new phase in life is about to begin. Stars watch as i waste what youth i have left. Twirling about waiting for an answer to perhaps conveniently appear out of some misplaced sense of coincidence. Some call it stupidity, others wisdom though im not entirely sure myself. I want an adventure, i want a journey. I want you here by my side as we course through the vast seemingly endless ocean together. I want a life filled with surprises, things i can be apart of and be remembered. Where are you?

Dreamed a little Dream...

The days passed on rather quickly, in just a blink of an eye we are almost through with the month of May. It was not until recently that I noticed my last post was in fact back in February. It can only prove just how lazy I've become. I think I may have lost track of time; I cant seem to remember the last time I left myself back in that small dark corner, dreaming away and still is. Stars wheeled above me even if it was day, my mind somewhere else; a thousand and one miles away.

Nothing ever seemed right, the days passed on with busy people out in that open world while I locked myself up in solitary confinement back at home. As the sun sets, at times i would then venture out in the night seeking to kill those active brain cells, drowning them with over dosage of virtual reality. Im "introvert-ing". It was not until recently that I find my ability to converse with another human being has somehow declined. Its almost like my communication capabilities have gone back to stone-age; like a cave-men.

"I have a certain hunger within me that has been growing little by little. I yearn for it, I crave for it. Day and night, it fools my thoughts. Logic is becoming illogical....."

The sinking ship

Another storm is brewing. Its the calm before the storm. Throughout my life, i find myself anticipating what that is about to happen. Yet, somehow I am not feeling happy but a little sad. The stuff that i wished became possible, now imminent. I have been trying hard over the past few days to avoid or rather not to accept the truth. The fatherly figure that never existed in my childhood, the one I never thought i actually cared about; I finally felt something.

Im not sure if i am able to fully comprehend the changes that are to come forth in the coming months. Perhaps im not really that strong a person i believed myself to be. I used to blame him for the empty memories he left me, the mishaps in our family chronicles. Now, im not really sure if it mattered anymore. The weights on my shoulders just got heavier. Cigarettes ain't helping, not even the games i enjoyed.

Back in my room, back in that little corner of my mind tonight. Im getting that feeling again, the feeling that i don't ever want to wake up; just like 6 years ago. I want an escape, possibly another slumber. Even though i know very well more than anybody else that someday, that dream will end too. My mind's a mess. So many questions that needs answering. What would you do if you find yourself on a ship that's been sinking since 20 years ago and that its finally about to disappear beneath the cold hard undercurrent of the mighty ocean? I'm tired of holding on yet i know giving up isn't an option. Someone tell me, what the fuck should i do?

How i've wondered...

I've been rather tedious over tasks lately. Perhaps maybe due to the onset of Chinese New Year. Hundreds of people lined up over counters in supermarkets, convenience stores to pay for the goods and whatever they thought was best priced. The discounts and marketing gimmicks no doubt attracted a lot of attention, people buying what they don't need is one very good example. Seeing a new year coming at hand. Come to think of it, i never really had the chance to say goodbye to 2011. Time flies, i would say but nevertheless i had a wonderful year.

Jun came back for Christmas, did as many things we thought of doing as best as we could. Trying to maximize the limited time he had before he went back to Sunderland to continue his studies. The Broga hill climb was one of the most significant things we managed to do, not forgetting the delicious food we ate along the way throughout his holiday. Now his back there and I'm back to where i was, good times always pass so quickly. I do regret not being able to give him a hug before he left though.

2012 seems promising as of late, the year started out pretty well. Made some new friends over the first week of my new semester. I can't say much but i do enjoy the company somehow. I wonder what or how the rest of the year would turn out as the journey goes....