Unraveled

I'm broken, so broken - amidst this world. Yet you laugh, blind to everything
Being as broken as I am, I hold my breath,
And it can't be unraveled, it can no longer be unraveled... Not even the truth.
Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane
I'll find you, and...

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen.
Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me...
I merely don't want to hurt you, inside a world, that came out of someone's imagination.
So please remember me; as vivid as I was.
Infinitely spreading, solitude wraps around me. Memories of times I laughed innocently comes to mind,

And I can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, can't move, I cannot move!
Unravelling the world

I've changed; I couldn't go back to the way I was.
As the two twines around one another, the both of us will perish away...
Breakable; unbreakable - psychotic; unable to go insane
I can't afford to let you be defiled!

In this shaken, twisted world, I gradually become transparent, unable to be seen.
Please don't bother looking for me; don't stare at me...
In a trap of solitude, someone had set, before the future unravels,
Remember me; as vivid as I was.

Please don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me, don't forget me!
Paralyzed by the fact that I've changed,
In a paradise filled with nothing but unrecoverable things,

Please remember me.
Tell me, please tell me...Exactly, who resides within me?


教えて　教えてよ　その仕組みを　僕の中に誰がいるの？ 壊れた　壊れたよ この世界で　君が笑う　何も見えずに 壊れた僕なんてさ　息を止めて ほどけない　もう　ほどけないよ　真実さえ　freeze 壊せる　壊せない　狂える　狂えない あなたを見つけて 揺れた 歪んだ世界 に だんだん 僕は透き通って見えなくなって 見つけないで　僕のことを　見つめないで 誰かが描いた世 界の中で　あなた を 傷つけたくない よ 覚えていて　僕のことを 鮮やかなまま 無限に広がる孤独が始まる　無邪気に笑った記憶が刺さって 動けない　動けない　動けない　動けない　動けない　動けないよ　 変わってしまった　変えられなかった ２つが絡まる　２人が滅びる 壊せる　壊せない　狂える　狂えない あなたを見つけて 揺れた 歪んだ世界 に だんだん 僕は 透き通って見えなくなって 見つけないで　僕のことを　見つめないで 誰かが仕組んだ孤独な罠に　未来がほどけてしまう前に 思い出して　僕のことを　鮮やかなまま 忘れないで　忘れないで　忘れないで　忘れないで 変わってしまったことにparalyze 変えられないことだらけのparadise 覚えていて　僕のことを 教えて　教えて　僕の中に 誰がいるの？

All Mine

All my problems they will run away from you and I see

All the angels sit and stare at you

You are everything but not today

I’m so down and out ’cause

something is wrong without you

When you’re not around

Just shadows and rainfall

Wait till tomorrow

I’ll wait

Just wanna be with you

Only you

Always you

You’re so beautiful to

me It’s true

Amazed by you

I think I’m falling

All my worries they just sleep in late, lying next to you

But I fall to pieces and crumble away

Today nothing works

I’m so down and out

’cause something is wrong without you

When you’re not around

Just shadows and rainfall

Wait till tomorrow

Can’t wait

Just wanna be with you

Only you

Always you

You’re so beautiful to me 
It’s true

Amazed by you

I think I’m falling

Falling with you

Only you

Always you

You’re so beautiful to me 
It’s true

Amazed by you

I know I’m falling

As the days go by, I can't seem to be getting over this pain I thought I could. I miss your smile, your voice, and your smell. My soul's torn apart, not a day goes by that I don't think about you. As I stared into the mirror I can see the remnants of our past, of you, in me. The emptiness that ensued, I can still see your shadows or rather I'm the one in your shadows. But I am not worthy, I tried to forget, I am not that person you loved anymore. I've changed, I am different. Broken. As I stopped in my tracks to wonder, pain caught up with me. Thoughts of death prevailed, if not getting stronger. I'm tired, I want to sleep. Will you dream of me when the time comes?

Its easier to love you from afar.

You always say things. Things that irritate, things that annoy, things that anger, things that hurt. 5 years we have been together, 5 years the wheels of our relationship kept spinning. We have been through a lot, to be honest, coming up to this point is no easy feat. However, lately, it has been such a torment for me. The things of our past keep replaying in my head like a broken record. I find myself constantly checking your online activity to see if you are ok. Weird, I could have just asked you about it, but I cannot seem to bring myself to do it. Somehow right now, it seems easier to love you from afar. I'm happier seeing you live your own life, doing the things that you like and seeing you happy. It would seem that my existence in your life brought about too many expectations, discomfort, and unhappiness. I know I may not be a somebody, but neither am I a nobody. I guess we won't be seeing each other for a long while. Maybe, this is the break that we both need.

Crumbling

Twisted winds blew as I find myself powerless within its current. It has been a rather spectacular year, from the lowest point to the highest peak, I came and I conquered. I lived many lives that could have possibly been me; all playing out simultaneously across a parallel timeline that exists only within my head. Living only fragmented thoughts of myself behind, in one reality I slew dragons while the other I'm a farmer. These fragmented memories cloud my ability to differentiate one from the other. If I should die, it probably wouldn't matter for there are infinite versions of me throughout the infinite realities.

It wasn't until only recently that I've come to realize I have been building my life upon a foundation of sand; to which is crumbling like the sand castle it should.

Your words, they hurt and destroyed my already fragmented soul. For when I look to you for comfort I got piercing arrows to my heart.You told me to pray so I prayed, but not for wealth; rather for your kindness and encouragement. However, I got only your look of disappointment and wrath.

I see the end, but I am delaying the imminent. The longer it lasts the harder it is to let go. However, I feel like I'm nearing the last of my strength to hold on. I can't seem to decide if I should be the one to rattle the snake's nest or be the one that gets bitten.

We barely speak, but when we do its usually because you need help or when we have an argument or when you are unhappy with me about something. The cracks that have long existed within our already crumbling foundation and now the thick walls that have surfaced between us. I am at a crossroad, undecided, sad and confused. You will be who you are, that I have already accepted. Which was why I have decided to change, however, I've realized only recently that I have never been truly happy. Perhaps neither one of us really did belong to each other. Or perhaps, I'm a terrible lover. Either way, I can't seem to see myself in any of your futures. Perhaps, this is really the end.

Memories

Memories can be vile repulsive little things, like children. Memories are what our reasons are based upon. There is no sanity clause. One moment they can be soft and sweet like cotton candy; reminiscent years filled with rainbows and unicorns.

Thoughts, feelings, and memories flashed by like neon lights, that's when it slowly starts to show itself. Feelings of longing and regret, bittersweet some might say; then it starts turning foul and rots away. Leaving you with that nauseous sour aftertaste.

Suddenly, you find yourself drowning, desperately gasping for air. Surrounded by the ocean of your own predicament. Then, you find yourself down in that cold yet familiar dark corner; nothing but solid concrete walls; you see nothing, nothing, but darkness and black. Lonely, so lonely, you taste fear and despair intertwining in a melodic embrace.

 That's when you hear it, the whispers; cold as ice, like snowflakes desperately clinging on to the winter's chill. The whispers get louder and louder, like a broken stereo. You tried screaming at the top of your lungs, hoping to drown out the voices. Just when the screaming becomes unbearable you realized that, there, right in front of you, a light of sickly green. Right under it is a door, an emergency exit. Madness is that emergency exit. There are many who traveled so far down that train of thought, heading down places in the past and found the rabbit hole.

There is no going back once you jumped. Many took the emergency exit as they found it hard to come to terms with the horrors that lay within. Things that were and things that were meant to be. Most importantly they found themselves, their true self. Unable to face such a truth they sped towards the exit. Yet, there are some who endured and survived. They've reached the end and came back from that spiraling hole of pure malice and hate, and they came back...a very different person.

8000 miles away

8000 miles away from the place where everyone is family. You hear the young calling the elders ‘Uncle’ and ‘Aunty’ even though they may not be related by blood. It is the only place where you can find 4 different languages in a single sentence. For e.g. ‘Wei macha, you want to makan here or tapau?’ In literal translation it means, ‘Hey friend, do you want to dine in or take away?’

A place that grooms multilinguist, you will pick up a language or two when growing up in a country rich in racial diversity. From Malay to English to Chinese and the 3 other different Chinese dialects that come with it, Hokkien, Cantonese, and Hakka.

I am far away from a place I called home.

Goodbye was always the hardest. I know it so when I was walking down that path towards the unknown. Everybody was there, right behind me, waving and trying their best they could to catch the last few glimpse of someone dear. With every step I take, my feet feels heavier. Like sloshing through thick mud; not because I'm wearing but because I know that with every step I take, I'm not just taking a step closer to my dreams but theirs in mine.

The everlasting rain and wet pavements brought about chills and reminded me of how far away I am from home. I am afraid, riddled with fear and loneliness. Yet I do not know if I have the strength and courage to continue the journey forth. I guess no one can truly know how strong they are until they break.