My Book of Memories

How i've wondered...

2012-01-16T04:10:00.003+08:00

I've been rather tedious over tasks lately. Perhaps maybe due to the onset of Chinese New Year. Hundreds of people lined up over counters in supermarkets, convenience stores to pay for the goods and whatever they thought was best priced. The discounts and marketing gimmicks no doubt attracted a lot of attention, people buying what they don't need is one very good example. Seeing a new year coming at hand. Come to think of it, i never really had the chance to say goodbye to 2011. Time flies, i would say but nevertheless i had a wonderful year.

Jun came back for Christmas, did as many things we thought of doing as best as we could. Trying to maximize the limited time he had before he went back to Sunderland to continue his studies. The Broga hill climb was one of the most significant things we managed to do, not forgetting the delicious food we ate along the way throughout his holiday. Now his back there and I'm back to where i was, good times always pass so quickly. I do regret not being able to give him a hug before he left though.

2012 seems promising as of late, the year started out pretty well. Made some new friends over the first week of my new semester. I can't say much but i do enjoy the company somehow. I wonder what or how the rest of the year would turn out as the journey goes....

Living in a lie...

2011-12-13T04:02:00.000+08:00

Been trying to turn my thoughts into words lately. Ghost of the past haunts me from time to time during my sleep. We all have skeletons in our closets, though sometimes it becomes too big to hide. Some get a bigger closet, some hide themselves under their blankets wishing it never happened while others take them out and display them as decoration.There are times when its better to live in a lie than the truth. Knowing something isn't necessary all that beneficial. Have you ever felt suppressed by the truth you are hiding, shivering uncontrollably, waiting to tell someone about it. The need to relief yourself of the pressure of being the only one who knows.

Sometimes i wished i had amnesia, things would be so much easier if i could just forget everything...

Of status and power

2011-11-13T04:11:00.000+08:00

The weak kneels and bows before the powerful. Survival of the fittest, that's how this materialistic world runs. An invisible hierarchy, a system that keeps the weak in check while the strong rules. Everybody wants a taste of that power, gluttony in its own individual way. Money, sex and status, the very things that empowers every individual. Gracefully pouncing on top of the human food chain; it has been like this for thousands of years. Seriously, what a fucked up way of life......

Life is like a boat....

2011-11-10T22:47:00.003+08:00

"Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

We are all rowing the boat of fate
The waves keep on comin' and we can't escape
But if we ever get lost on our way
The waves would guide you through another day"

Constantly fretting over the anonymous, the unknown. The emptiness that never fills even after a filling meal. Looking up to the starless sky night after night, with a lit of a cigarette hoping to see a shooting star. The hopes that temporary fills your never-ending hunger for some miracle to drop down from the heavens and hit you on your head knowing deep down it never will happen; yet, the rich sings "miracles happen when you believe". The poor ever weary in the race of life, so caught up with keeping fill that they missed out the rest in which made them strong.

Can't help but to wonder, what is the purpose of everything? The fight to survive, the fight for status and power, the fight for ideals, the fight for beliefs; yet what is the point of everything in the end? A short span of life, twirling about reality. The weak calls it fate or destiny while the strong says its pure determination. A society of mix-beliefs and endless thoughts, sometimes i need a little break and that simple little thing...*secret

I really need that tea and that "me" moment by the window staring into rain......hmmmm perhaps.

Like A Mary-Go-Round...

2011-11-02T16:42:00.004+08:00

Walking along the ever chaotic people filled pavement down that busy street of some unknown district in a well-known city; i find my presence inevitably in the unknown. They were all laughing, talking about how their day went by in pairs and groups of four. With cars and trucks buzzing hastily by the road, emitting the all so familiar smell of carbon gases. I lit up my cigarette, adjusted the straps of my bag and continued down that long journey in this safe but crazy world.

There is certainly no where like home yet, everyone leaves home for a depending if not fixed period of time everyday. In between that time frame, many characters come into play. Whether your meeting your boss or your colleagues at work or hanging with friends for a drink or a movie. We put up different suits and roles just to fit in the society of whatever that is required. Some call it socializing, others call it adapting; i call it a play. Life is like a play on stage, characters changes with the scenes and the colorful drama-filled ethics. Now, knowing that is it safe to say that we are all alone; deep down inside.

As the day passes by, i find myself disturbingly uncomfortable with the word socializing. Maybe perhaps the quiet, introvert me is the only thing that isn't a suit. Now, i wonder.....

Of Rainbows And Thunderstorms...

2011-10-09T05:41:00.003+08:00

Count Your Rainbows,
Not Your Thunderstorms....

That was what she told me when i sighed and waved the white flag. Perhaps this is one of those times when you really want someone to be there with you. Over the clouds and rain, now comes the rainbow beneath the sun. I have something to be a part of now, people whom recognizes me for who i am. Unconditional support from my family on my eureka flows, ideas, dreams and ambition. Things are sure looking good. The long years, days and month spent wondering and searching for a better tomorrow; yet you can't help but to wonder whats next now that your on your better tomorrow.

There is always something missing in the end, nothings ever perfect. A silly thought down that ever growing spiral of more years to grow old. I think somehow i want to have someone to count rainbows with. If everyone in this world is like a piece of a puzzle that fits in twos, then i would just be the odd one out. Recounting past experiences on my adventure into the pairs, fate couldn't be any meaner.

Now that Jun has finally left beyond physical reach; i spent my days venturing virtual fantasy worlds fighting monsters forming bonds and friendships. Things that clearly doesn't exist in the real world. Falling back down to reality every morning, recalling the nights before. I feel lonely nevertheless. Though im glad i have families to hang out with, laugh with and chat with. Ones that would help me pull through my loneliest moments.

Counting stars, gazing moons. I try hard to occupy my time so that i dwell not on silly things. Somehow or rather, i still have nights when i can't sleep and still some of that little silly time to spare..........

Goodbye My Almost Lover

2011-09-30T08:56:00.000+08:00

Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind, images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes, clever trick

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me in the shade
And when you left you kissed my lips
You told me you would never ever forget these images, no

Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot try the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind

So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
Did I make it that easy to walk
Right in and out of my life?

Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Why can't you just let me be?

So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do

Knights Of The Round Table

2011-08-18T05:07:00.002+08:00

Recently, I realized just how I was pondering about many things. Having left the council entirely, I finally got myself some alone time. To think about stuff, do some soul searching and I realized just how scared I was, let alone lonely. Perhaps because my greatest and possibly the only friend I ever truly loved and cherished is leaving to a very faraway place over the other side of the world.

I still remembered how that boy with short messy hair and all so quiet personality came into my life. We used to take our rides around the neighborhood streets, checking out houses, the big and the small. Telling each other just how we will own one of those in the future. Feeling the wind in our hair, we exchanged talks of our dreams; what we wanted to do with our lives. We would then stop by a nearby playground, sitting on the swings. He would listen attentively to my stories like a little kid. Our laughter, tears and little arguments and the usual wrestling sessions spawned a friendship I never thought mattered so much in my life.

I can't seem to tell him just how much I am going to miss him and just how much I didn't want him to go. Feelings like these were always hard to speak out; at least for me. As the day for his departure drew ever closer, I felt my fears and sadness grew ever stronger. I never really had friends, or even excel at making them. Yet, he came like it was meant to be.

Remember that night? You were crying alone, standing in the middle of the street. I was there, I took you in my arms and told you I understood. Perhaps now its my turn to cry. Would you hold me in your arms like I did too? Mr. Lee Jun Yang, I really am going to miss you.....

I Tried To Smile....

2011-08-15T20:36:00.003+08:00

Like paper mask in masquerade, people hide their faces so that the world will never find them. Their anger, jealousy, happiness or sadness. What are they really feeling deep down inside? Looks like nothing happened between you and I; we still that far away from each other. Yet, I'm sad but not because of you rather of something else. I once told them, "This isn't about me, neither is it about you. This talent or whatever brains you have don't belong to just you anymore." There are bigger things to think about, to worry about. Everyone are like pieces of a jigsaw puzzle, when you put them all together you get the big picture; a complete picture. Still, your ego took over, the desire for power, status and authority. The very things in which inspired gluttony. Between wisdom and smartness you may have very well chosen stupidity.......

A little love topped with uncertainity.

2011-08-11T03:36:00.005+08:00

I waited for the lift, watching as it hit the floors one by one; it has got to be the worst lift system ever. As the crowd gathered even more, readying themselves for classes. Talks of incomplete and forgotten assignments reverberated throughout the lobby floor. I looked around and their faces definately complimented it; there was guilt. Looking down and away most of them were, while others frowned their lips; the universal micro-expression of disbelief or some certain un-satisfaction. Others gave side smirks that vanished quicker than a fraction of a second, in contrary to what they were saying. I can't help but to see more and more of what their body is trying to say despite words that came out through their lips; ultimately i see the truth.

I found myself lost in trance, studying their expressions and the movement of their eyebrows and it was then when the lift door sprung open. It was just like any other day, i was running late for class. Staring at the buttons, hesitating if i should skip this round and submit to temptation. Then, you walked in. You smiled, with that innocent looking eyes. "Which floor?" i asked. You responded softly with a slight embarrassment that you were desperately trying so hard to hide. I smiled too, trying not to look. Though i have to admit, you caught my attention.

You were carrying loads of stuff, "an arts student i suppose". The sketch book that you were holding supported my theory even more. I remembered, we exited the lift on the 6th. Watching as you clumsily opened the door to your class just a few steps away. My heart was telling me to help, but i couldn't. For the first time in my life i was filling the tingle in my shy bone. Suffice to say, i turned and headed for the stairs.

After class, i saw you again on my way for lunch. You smiled again, I smiled too. My mind was blank, staring at you while you passed along that narrow pavement. You were this close to me. My heart was racing, pumping as hard as it could and I knew I was that a little into you. I wanted to say hi, wanted to call out to you. Yet again, I found myself at and inability to do so; I was afraid. Like a little kid who stared blankly at the lollipop or that action figure from outside the shop's window with glittering eyes.

As you disappeared slowly from view, disappointment slowly crept in. I tried hard not to think about it, "It's just another day after all..." I told myself. Yet, no matter how hard I to tried to fill my mind with other things, your presence stayed nevertheless. I was thinking about you. When i thought about my work, i thought about you instead. When i thought about food, i thought about having them with you. When i thought about anything else, you just seemed to be there; in my head.

The day went by quickly, almost meaningless until i realized my usual facebook routine back home ain't the same anymore. At least not today. You added me on Facebook. Questions started flooding my mind. How? Why? When? My thoughts like a crowded pub, i can't think right. So whats going to happen next i wonder? Im really not sure, but one things for certain. I really do like you.....

Back on Track

2011-07-06T14:42:00.001+08:00

We spend most of our lives thinking and planning alternatives to be free from what the society calls the Rat Race. Time, Place and People are the three key elements to success in whatever we plan or want to do. I've been searching and waiting for the right people and the right time, perhaps my efforts finally paid off. This may just be the start of something new, the start of my dream. I am back on track.....

The Fall of Student Council

2011-06-26T06:54:00.001+08:00

I've spent countless nights drawing out potential strategies on mahjong papers only to find my efforts futile. What was it that i was holding on to, despite knowing that it was inevitable? Of politics and the onsets of seemingly never ending obstacles, I manage to muster a team of unique individuals called the Innovators. 6 months went like a breeze, fought countless battles; opting for a change, a new system. Something people could remember us by. As the days passed like rain in the mountains, so did our team, they left one after another. The very thing that complimented their fall and challenged their belief is now doing the very same to me.

Jun called me earlier today, warning me that we may be focusing on something meaningless; I agreed without a doubt. Yet, I'm still not ready to give up. It may be a waste of time, true. However, giving up now means i have REALLY wasted all the time i've spent on Student Council. I gave up on many things throughout my life, mostly during times when its the hardest and offers no return. If I give up now, it would be the same for me all over again. Its something that I'm willing to fight for, something I'm willing to hold on to. I got to finish what I started.....i have to.

Tomorrow's always a mystery, that's why its worth fighting for. Don't you think so?

Afraid...

2011-06-04T04:47:00.001+08:00

Cars and trucks moved along their lanes, busily heading towards their destination. As i gazed by the side window, i saw a star filled night sky. Such beauty, constellations seemed to be smiling at me. I smiled too, as if i just found a new friend. A few cigarettes later, thoughts a thousand miles away. I asked myself, "hey, where am i going? Of course home, but what about my journey in life?" i wasn't exactly sure why, but it felt as if someone added weights on my back the moment i passed the border between nowhere and home.

The smell of the not so fresh air accompanied by the slight chills of the night. I remembered many things, my mind's a freaking cinema. There is just so much i wanted to do, the things i dreamed of; left forgotten in some forsaken corner of my mind. Followed by countless thoughts of what if's, leading my mind to a complete cease; blanks. The pain and the tears, moments not worth remembering, memories that haunted and the bogey man from my childhood. When will i be able to let them go?

I wanna grow up now, take up responsibilities, paint my life with the amazing colors of my choice. To be the artist and author of both my dreams and my story. A day many years down that road in some well lived future, a story for the generations to tell. A name to be remembered throughout the ages. My mom used to tell me the visions and dreams she had about me before my birth. The mystery to my purpose of existence in this world. They all but point to something more than just the ordinary. Yet look at me now? The ordinary.

Perhaps i am afraid of the things that lies ahead or afraid of what i may not or can never become. Fears of not being able to be as my future foretold. Ironically, i never truly believed in such things. Explains the uncertainty inside me. When there is nothing to believe in and nothing to hope for. Yes, i am afraid...afraid to move on.....

An Escape...

2011-06-03T04:43:00.003+08:00

A little about a week a few hundred miles away from home, i was certain i could find myself some answers. Away from all those that i fear, hated and regretted, i pulled myself away from that endless spiral into madness and got back into sanity; a temporary one for the very least. The beers and alcohol, beauty and the ugly, music and the pollution of pleasures reminded me just how far i am from the things i really want. i'm lost, what am i doing here? Why am i here? What is it that i desire most?

Yet somehow i am enjoying the tingles and chills of thrill you get when you find yourself in a place unknown. A place where everyone seems a stranger to everyone. i know, but maybe because i also know that sometimes being lost is just so close to being found. I have alot on my mind, i havent yet found what i came looking for but for now.... i sure miss home....

I can't feel your craziness...

2011-03-09T00:42:00.002+08:00

There were moments when i looked you in the eyes and said, "hey you know what, i want that." After that, its just "Fuck that". More and more i feel that life isn't how or what it seems to be; its tempting and filled with many distractions. Sitting by the screen, surrounded by teenagers spamming their life away with every key they pressed or clicks they hit with their fingers on keyboards and mouse. I can't help but to think, "Is this all they do? Thats it?". I don't know about them, but i do know i that i want something more in my life. Something in which i be able to tell the future kids about; something in which people would be able to read about; something about me.

The voices in my head became somewhat unclear and saturated these few days. Something is obstructing my eureka flow. I need to focus somehow.....

The clouds over the rainbow.

2011-02-25T01:13:00.004+08:00

I don't know why, but i'm still in love with you. I try again and again to have hope, even though i knew i would end up the same every time, angry and sad; yet i still persisted. Perhaps i am waiting for the day, i finally be able to let you go, though i never got you in the first place. If you can't help me to feel any better, then help me to get worst, to a point where i can't feel anything anymore.

Without a Word

2011-02-02T16:21:00.001+08:00

I shouldn’t have done that,
I should have pretended not to know
like I didn’t see it, like I couldn’t see it
I shouldn’t have looked at you in the first place
I should have ran away
I should have pretended I wasn’t listening
like I didn’t hear it, like I couldn’t hear it
I shouldn’t have heard your love in the first place
Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Made me fill myself with your every breath
Then you ran away
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
It came without a word
Why does it hurt so much?
Why does it hurt continuously?
Except for the fact that I can’t see you anymore, and that you’re not here anymore
otherwise, it’ll be just the same like before
Without a word, you made me know what love is
Without a word, you gave me your love
Then you ran away
Without a word, love leaves me
Without a word, love abandons me
Wondering what to say next
Without a word, tears starts falling down
Without a word, my heart is broken
Without a word, I waited for love
Without a word, love hurts me

Starlight

2011-02-01T02:48:00.002+08:00

In the distance light years from tomorrow
Far beyond yesterday
She is watching, heart aching with sorrow
She is broken, as she waits
Hoping when all is said and done we learn to love and be as one

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone

There are shadows sleeping on the horizon
Leave us scared and so afraid
As the fallout of a world divided
It brings her tears and so much pain
So we take cover from the dark
Hoping to find where we can start

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone
Starlight we’ll find a place where we belong

You will see as the mountains fall and turn to dust
And there’s one thing that won’t change
I believe there is something within each of us that always stays
That will always remain as long as love never fades

Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we're gonna make it right before tomorrow
Oh Starlight, don’t you cry we’re gonna find a place where we belong
And so you know, you’ll never shine alone
Starlight we’ll find a place where we belong

She is watching, heart aching with sorrow
She is broken, as she waits

i hate you

2011-02-01T01:36:00.008+08:00

I still remembered the first time you smiled at me; how we eventually got to know each other. You were hiding it, i know and i didn't cared. Every time you smiled, when you took a cigarette, i cant help but to find myself looking at you. I knew about your insecurities, the things you were afraid of. I know those were the things i can never really say i understood or accepted them; but i can say i am willing to be there for you when you need me. When your demons are a little too frightening, i can be there. When your thoughts flood, i will be there. When your angry, sad or bored i wanna be there. I'll be there till the stars don't shine, till the heavens burst and words don't rhyme.

All i ever wanted was to be that someone to you, that someone whom you will think about from time to time. That little someone who mattered even for the very least. When you said you needed time alone, i told you i understood. When you told me you were avoiding me, i said the same thing. When you told me you don't want to be that close to me anymore, i told you i know and that i understood it too or perhaps i didn't, but i pretended to anyways. I never expected anything from you, looking at you, standing by your side; it was already enough for me.

It hurts now, knowing that you loved me too and how it has already come to past. I wish i could say i understand, but i can't. No matter how hard i try i just can't anymore. You were always like that, never consider or cared about the feelings of others. You were always too deep within your own thoughts that you neglect those around you. You always thought that nobody can handle the things you have in your mind, but the truth is, nobody can and they don't care too. Im in love with YOU not your thoughts....if anything else mattered, it was only you.

I really do hate you for doing that. Why? Why can't you just let me live in my own fantasy and remain that way? At least, it was easier to love you from the side, help you get up when you fall. Smile when you smile. It was really enough for me..... really.....i love and hate you too.

Waiting for the time

2010-12-25T03:34:00.004+08:00

Its Christmas, everyone's out having fun. The decoration on the streets, tiny LED bulbs that lit up the night. Love and laughter that comes with it, everyone has someone tightly in their arms tonight. Yet, i sit here wondering, what are you doing this Christmas? Where are you? I told Santa this year that i want you as my present, he just smiled. Your faraway, i know. But every time i look up to the sky, no matter the distance; somehow i feel a little closer to you. Its the same sky, same sun, same moon and stars that we are looking at ain't it?

Its been a few years now, i told myself not to count anymore. I miss you.

Merry Christmas, where ever you are... you are still here in my heart.

Santa's on his way...

2010-12-13T05:33:00.003+08:00

Hear the reindeer bells, Santa's getting ready. Socks hanging by the fireplace, what do you want from Santa this year? Everybody's getting ready for the occasion. The golden brown turkey, coleslaw, mash potato. Children screaming over presents and toys, the spirit of Christmas. A time where the close ones gathers if not new bonds are made. I wonder, where will i be this coming Christmas?

The things i need to do.

2010-12-07T06:44:00.003+08:00

My body is starting to reject the nicotine im injecting myself with. My lungs feels heavy, i can't breathe properly; i feel dizzy. Perhaps for once i may just be serious about quitting cigarettes.
A few weeks went by now, the elections over. Suffice to say, i won. Im the president now. The path i chose venture; long and hard. Deception would be the key to many things as of such.

I need to get my 2011 to do list done.

I think im wrong... again

2010-11-25T01:34:00.002+08:00

I thought i found it, the other one. Yet tonight, i failed. I used my thoughts as a vessel, to be explored. With the intention to offer what i know, it backfired. I went through the conversation countless times, i can't seem to see where i went wrong. Perhaps i can't, maybe not tonight as a lot of things seems to be going on, probably just a little too much even for me to handle. Am i trying too hard? Its not an easy task to find my 108. What is going on? Im questioning myself. More and more, i can't seem to be able to control that thing inside me. Im going to burst, the anger. The countless thoughts that flashes through my mind. Im just not strong or good enough, i admit. Perhaps, i overestimated myself. I want to shout, i want to scream, i want to get out. I failed miserably, with myself, my confidence my plans...

I think im wrong yet again.... someone tell me please.. i need answers....damn it.

The strings that played on stage.

2010-11-17T04:04:00.006+08:00

Observed and analyzed, not a tad near accurate. The melody played as the actors performed on stage; the slightest off tune in a single note, something seems wrong. The feelings that creep slowly into your thoughts, a shadow hidden behind every corner. Something's wrong, terribly wrong. Your acting's horrible, so is your song. I need new actors, to move with that beat, dance that jazz and scream those notes. Dance with me, in the music of the night. The music shall caress you, numbing your senses and soon abandon your defenses.

Move your steps into my mambo, slowly into my deception. Enthralled by the way you work, I smiled and smirked. Tell me someday you will be mine and i be yours; your puppet master. I will make and mold you in my image, to perform my script; my wonderful script. The night's still young, come tell me you love the way i lie. My minds not too dark, but no where near light. The queer thoughts that even made me shiver sometimes. I am many; so who am i?

On one; My Tears flow,
On Two; My tongue is sharp,
On Three; My eyes' seen too much.
On four; My heart's torn apart,
On five; My Mind's a Puzzle,
On Six; My Feelings are naught.
On Seven; His just nuts....

Let me out, i want to play; you can't control me yet not forever. Surrender to the power of the music of the night. It fiddles your mind, taunts your emotions and lures you into an eternal slumber. How softly it sounds yet it brings back your haunts. The soul starts to float, awaiting your imagination; let it flow. Let me out, let us out... its been a tad long time. Surrender to the music of the night; set it free, set us free, let it roam, let us roam....

Silence...

2010-11-02T00:56:00.009+08:00

Your smile disappeared, i noticed. The way you stared into space, arms folded; something's bothering you yet i can't bring myself to say a word. The lights reflected in your eyes now seem dulled. I wanted to put my arms around your shoulder and tell you that i care, im here. Yet, somehow from the way you positioned yourself even though your just beside me; told me that you don't need it. Over that sharp tingling feeling, i tried to smile. Hoping that probably you will find it a little more comfortable at least, despite the silence, your troubles and the barrier between us. Its clear that we both look for different things and we have literally no topic to talk about. Yet, i still try to pretend we had something to talk about, something to share about, something to laugh about and something to argue about. Although, it has always been silent; im still happy, at least we have something to be silent about.....

You have your world, clearly i'm from a different universe entirely. . . I know....

Let Go

2010-10-29T02:00:00.005+08:00

What is this feeling? I knew, but still why? The things i wanted, wished for, needed. Nothing turned out the way i anticipated, the way i expected. I remember, back then. I always enjoyed walking home, in reality i was alone but in my world i was not. I came a long way; cried and broke down many times, believing i was getting stronger in the process. Was it just some sort of self-comforting words i put up with just to pull through or am i really getting stronger?

Every time i fell, i got right back up. Pushing myself further, trying to learn whatever i can from it. When i told myself i got to get stronger, smarter, wiser i knew; it ain't gonna be easy. The things i've lost to get those attributes, for knowing too much. Was it worth it? I knew the price to pay, yet i persisted, believing otherwise. There are just so many things i want to be able to share, to let you know. Yet, i can't; there isn't anyone for me to tell. I understand now, however... i wont deny it any longer....

P.S, PikPik, Bobo, Pil, Softy, Ordu, Behbeh, Dovey. You are all that i need. :D

Sometimes.

2010-10-25T21:48:00.002+08:00

"Sometimes i just need you to walk with me, talk to me, be silent with me, stand with me and be my somebody."

The shore is just ahead, our shore...

2010-10-17T19:12:00.006+08:00

Drifted across the vast ocean, through storms overcame waves big and small. I can finally say, the shore is just ahead, i see it. We survived! On a little boat known as Family, the five of us traveled the seas. No doubt we got ourselves lost, attacked by giant sea monsters, sailed titan waves yet we are still here; strong. Sometimes being lost is just so close to being found. The rainbow, and the pot of gold on the other side. I believed, even through times where all hope seemed lost. Where nothing mattered anymore, i still believed. I've got to thank Anthony Robbins and Jack Canfield, for the theories and facts that woke me; cleared my mind and filled me. I pulled through; the change i've been eagerly waiting for is starting....we are going back up!

My Beautiful Hangover

2010-10-12T02:24:00.008+08:00

I buried my face in my arms, trying hard to shake that feeling off. I remembered the night before, while the music played, i saw you dancing in the crowd. Your eyes looking at me, killing me. The way you moved, my heart moved with you. I breathed, taking another big sip. Soon my body started moving on its own, fallen victim to the music, your beauty. Your lips touched mine as you walked pass me; we stared. Your lips was as cold as ice, yet it warms my inside. "Give it to me" i said, "give me love, love, love..."

I can't stop thinking about you, the face in that ever changing lights. The music that carried my body away as you slowly teased me with your eyes, your lips. My head spun, my heart raced. I floated, like in space i was dreaming. Yet, i never quite lost the sense of reality. I woke up only to find that i had fallen back down, down to earth. My body felt so heavy, it was tough trying to get up from my bed. My head hurt, yet i can still catch the bits and pieces of you dancing in my head. "I wanna go back into that dream.." I need that dream in my reality, i cannot forget, im not satisfied. I need more..... Give me my Beautiful Hangover, Hangover....

Dragonica

2010-10-01T02:48:00.006+08:00

As i slowly opened my eyes, i can hear the cheerful songs of birds by the greens somewhere. The cool breeze and whispers of the trees, i knew i was dreaming. I tried to get up, only to realize just how soft the grass felt under my bare feet. I looked around, trying hard to recall what exactly happened, and how did i end up here? Most importantly, where am i?

I shook my head in dismay, it hurt. The sun was gazing down gently, as the clear blue sky continued to enchant in beauty. I began to finally start moving my feet, exploring. Hoping to find clues, yet moments after moments; nothing. In a huge grassland, with a few trees not beyond visibility. It would seemed as though im the only one stranded here. I sighed about to give up and it was then, "Hey you!" a strong stern voice came not far from where i stood. I scanned around, looking for the source of mysterious stern voice, only to find nothing. "Maybe im hallucinating..." i thought, slightly worried as i moved under a tree for shelter, perhaps a needy rest. The tree was huge, filled with leaves that could have never been greener and healthier. "Hey you!" the voice came again, this time it sounded a lot closer to me than it was moments ago. I looked around again, surprised. The leaves then started a sudden rustle, like as though something appeared earning its attention for its whisper. "Up here!" i looked up, responding to its call. A hooded man in green, carrying a rather decorated bow. The shade of the leaves encouraged his mystique further, face within his hood; only a slight smirk was visible. He took a leap and with a soft thud, he was standing right next to me."Hes fast....." i thought to myself as i scanned him as quickly as my eyes could offer.

"Who are you?" i took a step backwards.

"Your lost?"

"You can say so... but who are you?" I persisted.

"Perhaps you should introduce yourself before asking another his name?"He replied smartly as he proceeded to remove his hood, revealing a rather young, handsome man, with pale blond pony tail.

"errr....Tatsyu...."

"Thats better.... my name is Sephilow. Im sure you must have a lot of question that needs answering." He raised his hands, and guided my vision across the horizon. "but first, Welcome to Dragonica......."

Should Gay Couples Be Able To Marry?

2010-09-24T00:51:00.002+08:00

A few thousand years ago, homosexuality was considered a culture. Filled with poems and wine, they sing of unconditional love between two men and the society accepted it as something very beautiful. Few thousand years later, things appeared to be quite the opposite. Despised by most, homosexuality took refuge in an underground society; away from the world.

When did such a beautiful culture turn unproductive or abnormal in the eyes of the world? Even so, they still exist, populating a rough thirty percent of the world’s population. Most of them spend their lives unwilling and unable to be truthful about who they are, or what they are; yet some are living their homosexual lifestyle openly despite on how everybody else look at them. They have been branded as something alien, abnormal, or some even consider them evil; the seeds of the devil or even look down upon. Considering that, living their lives openly as who they are and what they are may just as well be challenging enough; so what about marriage? Should gay couples be able to marry? One question that sparked a never-ending debate throughout the century.

“Homosexuality is against nature and most importantly wrong in the eyes of God”. That is what most would say when asked of their opinions about homosexuality. They cling to their religion and some misplace sense of self-proclaimed righteousness, shouting about their beliefs on what is right or wrong; but what is right and what is wrong? As quoted by Shakespeare, “There is nothing either good or bad, right or wrong, only thinking makes it so.” No matter their reasons for disapproving homosexuality, it is nothing but a process of nerves transmitting signals throughout their brain, an idea, and a thought. Yet, it never did cross their mind to find out the reason behind this forsaken underground society of people who prefers others of the same sex. After all, issues like this mostly depends on our religious values and the environment, which we are raised in.

All humans should have the liberty of having to choose their way of life, their beliefs. Not deny themselves of who they are and what they are just because the society disapproves. Many a Christian would argue, "a person is wrong for being homosexual" but is it? When so many good people in our society are in fact gay. Where actions such as "killing a man is wrong," no doubt society would definitely agree on this one. But what if the murderer claimed his god ordered him to kill for the greater good of the whole nation and he believes he did the right thing. Is he wrong, is he right?

Gay or not, as long as we are human; we bleed just the same, look just the same and have emotions all the same. There is no reason to condemn or judge another base on our beliefs or religious values. I personally feel that homosexuality should have the rights to live their lives the way they see fit. Marriage however is nothing but a symbol of commitment in a relationship, I don’t see the fault and harm in allowing someone to commit himself in one. Don’t you think so?

Different in the same way. . .

2010-09-22T20:33:00.003+08:00

Scratching my head as i read your post in dismay; not because of what you wrote, but rather what it reminded me of. I remember the times when i used to dream of a more peaceful reality. I wanted a normal life just like any other guy out on the streets; things would then be so much easier. Like the tides, it push and pulls; just like life, as it gives and it takes. I can't exactly recall much of my childhood, mainly because there isn't much to remember. Well, these few days i have been drowning myself with facebook games; at what cause? Probably to take my mind off things. I'm not in focus sometimes, things just seem all pointless and meaningless. Feels like i'm moving towards somewhere pictured and realized only by faith, nothing more. The doubt that poisons my mind every time i took a step closer. I can't say i'm lost; i have goals, i have dreams, i have a mission. Yet somehow i feel lost, lost within myself. Every step seems heavier than the last, when are things going to pull through? Just like i dreamed, the way i pictured, i believed? There is no guarantee...

I want to see that rainbow after the rain stops, that pot of gold on the other side of it.....when?

Penang The Food Paradise

2010-09-19T17:37:00.009+08:00

Haagen-Daz, a sentimental way to end my last night in Penang. Overall; AWESOMENESS!!!

Was emoing with the katana, and he snapped a pic.

This is more like it, Fruit Rojak!

Junyang ordered me some Jellyfish thing... how? taste like jelly ahahaha

The Port

Took the Ferry a couple of times back and forth, first time hehe thats why. Felt like some Hong Kong drama thing....

While on the bus, i came across this. Wtf? Even police is hitting on FB?

The Old School pizza where they use the chimney looking oven to cook one.

Shit man, i tell you, the Ikan Bakar, fucking nice.... XD

Dinner! Quek Quek!

Fuck, why did i even post this up, i look so "Handsome" sehhhh XD

Back in the hotel, Jun Yang was rolling around after a Katana duel.

All the fishes the small kid was trying to kill with big chunks of Gardinia.

Check out all the "Wu Gui"sss wei.. saw them on my way up the temple.

Ahah!!! Theres me model... hahahah

The cable car sort of thing, on our way up to see her... haha

Went to the Ket Lok Si (Cat Cannot See) Temple. Guan Yin was my Model appointment. XD

Took a short stroll down Gurney Drive; we were talking about G?

JunYang getting his candid treatments XD

Do not under-estimate this picture, it consist of nothing but BABI!

It was nice to see Wen Quan after so long, but still didnt get to give him a proper goodbye.

Hallelujah! Char Kueh Tieow!

Jun Yang ordered Oo jian.

Food was awesome. First thing for me, Hokkien Mee!

Reached Penang, and had awesome dinner with JunYang and Wen Quan.

The Way I Write About Things

2010-09-14T02:13:00.002+08:00

I used to write about stars, destinies and fate; yet now i write like everyone else. About my regular activities, whatever that may have came my way as I move along the journey of limited time; through life. Time used to be against me, now it still is. I have visions and voices in my head, telling me stories that fits the missing pieces of the puzzle. Perhaps I'm crazy, but the truth is, all the best people are. I seem to be neglecting my inspiration; far too much distraction. I need to find my inner peace once again, to gain balance and gain total control of whats within. . .

Hari Raya!

2010-09-10T03:07:00.004+08:00

Dragged my feet up those steps after exchanging goodbyes and wishes to Jason and Elisha; it is her birthday today. We drank and talked, she is quite the funny lady to begin with; she seemed happy, i'm glad. As i was proceeding up to my apartment, i noticed the sound of water flowing a good ten feet away from where i was. I looked up to the sky, it seemed as though someone dyed it blood red. "About to rain i guess..." i thought to myself with a sigh.

I cant say i have much on my mind, but just a sense of satisfaction somewhere within me. It was a rather long day today, besides the drinking. I hung out with Nicholas Chen (Stephanie's little bro) earlier today. Exchanged our views over a lot of things, well i'm just glad he still kept the tradition of . . . . well its a guy's thing XD

On the side note, its HARI RAYA!!!! Not like it matters much to me, but regards from me anyways for those who celebrates it. Well, i guess that's it for now. Goodnights everyone, whether or not its your birthday today, or perhaps to some who thinks that this is just like any another night; sweet dreams, you got a big day tomorrow! ^^

One Love

2010-09-08T23:42:00.003+08:00

‎"Truth is, everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for."
- Bob Marley

I was going about facebook as usual, and i came across a phrase Bob Marley used to say. It caught my eye, tingled my nerves and send tiny shock waves to my brain saying "I Fucking Agree!" Well, God if you truly exist; bring back Bob Marley and Jimi Hendrix, thank you. Amen.

Since then, i have been thinking. Who are the ones generally worth suffering for? Besides your family, besides yourself; who else? I have a few; Lee Jun Yang; wait on second thought, only one.
Up until a few days ago, i thought i have another whom i think its worth suffering for. But honestly i have to hand it to him, i give up.

I was reading Andrew Chong's blog, i came to realize that his command of English is way unexpected; fluent, lively and very philosophical. The way he describe his thoughts with a dash of mystery . I told him, i had no absolute idea at all that he's mind was so brilliant. Im surprised.
We were talking about relationships, love particularly. It was then i thought to myself, "Damn i envy him." As much as im loving every bit of my singularity, yet i cant help but to feel a little lonely at the same time. Somewhere inside of us, everybody wants a somebody to matter in their lives. I guess... so do i.

I spoke to Wai Ken today like finally and he said;

"I miss you and high school; it was simpler then and simplicity is the best"

True, i agreed nevertheless. Somehow after hearing him say that, i began to feel bad about not being able to hang out with him more last time. Mainly due to my busy working schedule. Though, im glad i told him im willing to spend more time with him since im not working anymore; for old times sake. ^^

Im will be on a trip to Penang with JunYang next week. Finally got to go on a trip with a friend, a fucking good friend. All the good food, the free hotel room, and definitely i am going to cam whore with him! *Grins (JunYang if you are reading this, be prepared, get ready. Rock and Roll! KaCHING!) I still remember the first time we met, the awfully quiet monotonous; short messy hair boy, oh ya thick frame-less specs too. Look at him now, stylish hair, contact lens; looking good! Well, im glad i found him. He is by far the only person i know, not related by blood to be able to fully accept me for who i am and what i am, not because of what or who he wants me to be.

Destiny really is a funny thing isn't it? Haha.

Its broken. . .

2010-09-07T01:06:00.006+08:00

Im having my old nostalgic feelings once again. Probably due to a series of chained events, very minor and unimportant when they came; now all jumbled up together. Just like a bottled up coke ready to explode. I thought i found a certain someone, however it doesn't seem to be the case; not until the end no...

Maybe i was expecting too much, which explains the fucked up feeling when things don't fulfill. Well that is case number one, there are still bazillion gazillion more things haunting me. Probably enough to open up my own governmental sector of private affairs.

I remember the times when i used to walk back home under the sun. Thoughts and dreams filled my head with every step. The feeling of someone walking beside me which appeared to be just a figment of my imagination; all the things that i wished existed. I came a long way, and there is still a lot more to go. I miss those days where nothing mattered, well at least not that much. The nights where i sat staring at the screen waiting for inspiration to hit, while the fridge clicked. The flies that came and died by the rolled up newspapers. The dog in which i shared a certain bond with, the atmosphere, the jazz, the blues, Norah Jones....now all gone. I moved on; but i still miss them all.

Emo was my alter ego. The secret life i lead after the sun sets, all those words i had and played with like the flow of water. The rhymes, the poems. The "someone...." When would it be the day my dream finally ends? Perhaps an end with a beginning of another? Seriously, i don't mind just as long as this ends. . .

The Korean Dream

2010-09-06T02:35:00.003+08:00

A lot of talk has been going around lately, about the above. Just look at it, enough said. Perhaps its the raging hormones or probably maybe, its a guy thing. Something that every guy seems to be secretly yearning for deep inside, whether or not they show it would be an entirely different issue; but at least they want it, they wish for it. Well, i have to say. So do I.

I am going to make it a point to do whatever it takes to get that, its a goal. Not just a dream that just ends up like another fantasy which only happens when you close your eyes or daydream. Rather something that will exist in reality, on me. Or.... i could crop my face onto this picture, but what good would that bring? If only you can just imagine me with that body. Ohhlala, how many innocent am i going to kill? (joking ^^) I have to get my lazy butt, and find the motivation to do it. Wait a minute, what the heck am i talking about? Just look at that body! Im motivated enough. Means what? No more fat food? Possibly no more smoking?

Like what Anthony Robbins used to say, humans are motivated by two things in life and only two; pain and pleasure. Whatever we do in our lives, no matter what decisions we make. We do them to avoid pain and gain pleasure. I guess i found my pain and my pleasure in wanting to work for something so sexy....mwahahahahaha! *grins

It would be a six month project for starters, but i figured its gonna take more than six month for something so perfect. Oh well, but not just the body. The hair (not tae yang's hair of course XD) and everything else. I will do it, i must, i have to!

Toilet Bowl

2010-09-05T00:24:00.006+08:00

The smooth, semi reflective texture. Curved lines that shapes your unseen desires. As important as it is in our everyday lives, we speak little or not at all of it. How it holds and stays; be there when we are in need, when nature calls, we find that the toilet bowl is in fact our savior, our hero. I used to sit by the toilet bowl when i was younger, not for any other purpose except to connect with what i call my universe. A vast imaginative pool of limitless ideas or inspiration for me to tap into; to download data from. Other times, well you should know...

What marvelous invention it is, the flushing system. As unlikely it is to be something inspirational, it has its own educational values. When your life is just so filled up with shit, all you have to do is to take the courage and flush it all away. Some forget, some simply can't only because they think they can't. Well, flushing just ain't no problem or obstacle to me. When things get ugly or smelly, thank hade's penis there is a cap to hide it all away. Just like what people would normally do, hide it all away. I guess everything would be so much simpler if we can see it in the toilet bowl sense, cap it, flush it. Anyways, you must be wondering why am i writing about toilet bowl this very night while listening to jazz. I gotta say, its quite the challenge and one particularly out of the blue ridiculous challenge between me and Lee JunYang. I did it, so did he i suppose. Come to think of it, i haven't been blogging for the past month or so and i came back writing with a twist about toilet bowls. A good start, very good start.... haha XD

I think i finally had enough of that candy...

2010-07-13T22:52:00.002+08:00

Tonight, i think i finally realized. Sometimes whatever things you may have pictured in your mind from time to time or perhaps fantasized about may not be the same when you are actually living it; funny. My throat has been suffering minor injuries since yesterday and i called in the white cavalry just one or two hours ago; pure white semi-shiny mineral known as Agent Salt. Conclusion? The two day war ended in thirty minutes; aliens lost and died. Hooray!

Not too long ago, someone told me "familiarity breeds contempt". The voices that lurks around every corner, the eyes the scans and gaze in your shadows. Imagination soon takes over your mysterious stalkers; under skins of others. I can't help but to say; i think i had enough. I can't do it, i just can't be that someone im not. I can't fit it. I feel terrible, unwanted, unaware, stupid, lost and perhaps like an idiot. Who am i to kid?

What an interesting day today. Drama filled day, wished i had popcorn when it happened. I saw people cheating people in relationships, playing mind games, friends getting jealous over miraculous reasons, people with family problems; most importantly i saw the things they were experiencing in form of tears, sarcasm alike.

Well im tired.. really tired...

I cant see...

2010-06-30T21:42:00.002+08:00

Days passed and the skies turned from dark to gray. The more i tried desperately to figure out why, here i am missing the clicks made from a very old refrigerator that i used to fantasize about when i was just a few years younger. Those were the days when i felt all so terrified, so alone somehow. No matter who i was with or whom i was hanging out with, it was never enough.

College turned out just fine; crazy company fit for a crazy man like me. A group of friends whom we danced like monkeys and laughed about nipples over cigarette sessions just by the staircase. Meeting up for assignments yet ended up doing something else instead; and i met a boy whose all so perfect like a friend i never had. He has small eyes, messy hair, rather tall (taller than me) and a rather simple personality. You got to love his smile, his walk, his gestures and his voice. A unique one i would say; im happy i met you.

How much more could one possibly expect? Well im satisfied for now XD thanks.

Go Go Rangers!

2010-06-24T22:20:00.003+08:00

I write whatever that comes to my mind. They say im crazy, well im not. Haven't been updating much lately, no more blues or jazz. Norah Jones bites the dust; Stevie Ray Vaughn keeps his guitar in the cemetery. Those were the nights when i felt all so alone, scared and empty. Those nights where hid myself in my secret fantasy getaway, with all so much to blog about. But now?

I Love You

2010-05-28T01:41:00.001+08:00

I must be crazy now
Maybe I dream too much
But, when I think of you
I long to feel your touch

To whisper in your ear
Words that are old as time
Words only you would hear
If only you were mine

I wish I could go back to the very first day I saw you
Should have made my move when you looked in my eyes
'Cause, by now, I know that you'd feel the way that I do
And I'd whisper these words as you'd lie here by my side

I love you
Please say you love me, too
These three words, they could change our lives forever
And I promise you that we will always be together
'Til the end of time

So, today, I fin'lly find
The courage deep inside
Just to walk right up to your door
But my body can't move
When I fin'lly get to it
Just like a thousand times before

Then, without a word, he handed me this letter
Read, I hope this finds the way into your heart
It said

Well, maybe I, I need a little love
And, maybe, I, I need a little care, yeah
And, maybe, I, maybe you, maybe you
Oh, you need somebody just to hold you
If you do, just reach out
And I'll be there

PikPik

2010-05-08T19:22:00.005+08:00

I would first like to announce the arrival of Mr.PikPik last week. Haven't really got the time to update lately. All that god knows what I've been doing for the WHOLE of last week. Speaking of which, Naruto and Bleach came out two days ago. hehe *grins

College life will be starting soon; so many things to do before a new life begins. I have my car L license wayyyyyyyy overdue, my Gundams to touch up, a script to complete, a stop motion picture to film, Magic the Gathering Card Game to perfect, pictures to take; gosh there is just so much to do, so little time. Which reminds me, i need to get PikPik's lens on Broga Hills soon; to those who are interested (though i seriously doubt among my ring of friends, there will be more than two who are actually interested to climb a hill at possibly 4 in the morning just to take a sniff of nature and watch the bloody sunset)well, just let me know. ^^

Sherman is probably arranging another long forgotten game of Paintball, nyahhhhhh can't wait. I guess things are going pretty well lately, though somehow i still feel like something's missing. I got everything i wanted at the moment, yet something is still missing. Well anyways, hallelujah people i shall upload some pictures i took with PikPik's eyeballs next post! Ciaos!

Of The Days Shadowed By Clouds and Quenching Rain, I Found My Rainbow.

2010-04-17T14:50:00.012+08:00

I can't exactly recall the last time i asked myself how happy i really was. Alot has been going on lately; or rather much has happened over the past two weeks. For some reason, in my act of justice; the world now hates me. I was merely delivering their complains and ideals in form of justice, my justice. That being said, am i still wrong? They see now as the sweet innocent boy who for some unknown reason changed, and became that vicous, crazy maniac set loose on the political dancefloor. While i on the other hand, does their dirty work; materializing their inner-darker desires. Humans are such indespicable creatures.

Stop fighting? At what cause? For friends? WHAT are friends? Friends stand by you with full acknowledgement of your actions or go against you for principles that seemed right personally to them? Honestly, if you find it hard to understand me or my actions, or simply can't do it for whatever reasons to find that little bit of courage in you, then Just Don't Get Involved.... Swept by the violent undercurrent of more years to grow old, there simply isn't much left to lose.

___________________________________________________

On the other hand, PENANG was awesome. With all that good food and stuff, was finally able to relax myself abit from all that jazz. Credits to Nelson for bringing me around to all the nice places and good food. Playing card games by the beach, gazing upon the horizon;while thesun sets, i pray to Aphrodite.

On the side note; I BOUGHT MYSELF A NEW PAIR OF CONVERSE!!!!!! YEEEHAA! Check out my baby!

Anyways, this was suppose to be a long post but im rather lazy. Will update more soon i suppose ahahah. Cheers!!

So Far...

2010-03-02T22:45:00.004+08:00

Thunder cracking, earth shaking and people dying. So far, that is what's happening around the world lately. There are those who vowed to make the world a little bit better to live in, and others just don't seem to care.

When was the last time we took a break and understand each other instead of fighting for what seems right personally? The power of stubbornness in the wrong hands, while the lives of others suffer. Thus, injecting the world with more conflicts. That is the world we all live in, a world known as Earth, and a world we call home.

Yet its those conflicts that helps lay out the foundation in our lives; for the better or the worst. Ironic isn't it? Tell me about it. Well, Its been really tiring lately, with all that never-ending load of work.

I got my Salem's mask bout almost two weeks ago; and got myself some wrist bands. That's two of my goals this year; done. ^^

Anyways, a little update on what i got myself last week. A book by Anthony Robbins; "Awaken The Giant Within". Anthony "Tony" Robbins was born in February 29, 196o. An American self-help author and motivational speaker. His seminars and books features NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Ericksonian Hypnosis, something in which he was famous for.

Read the first chapter, and he was focusing on the effects of Decision making. One very powerful tool in which was believed to have been inside us since the dawn of the world; given to every man and woman. A power to shape their own dreams and ultimately their destiny. As quoted by him "It Is In Your Moments Of Decisions That Your Destiny Is Shaped"

Hopefully i may be able to share more as i adventure further into his book. Though i do recommend those who are interested to know the "SECRET" to get this book. Speaking of which i have designs to rush. Will update more soon, adios!

Blood

2010-02-16T02:46:00.003+08:00

Its been quite sometime since i saw blood flow like that. I was being a sadist, even though only for a moment. I licked it, honestly. Yeah, i can almost already hear the "ewwwww" reverberating in my skull. Its just blood, at least not cum? XD

Glad i had something to do yesterday and today. Went to Alex's new house for a slumber night out. Apparently, according to alex, my role was to "warm" the house for Chinese New Years. Funneh!?
Went for a movie marathon the next day, YEAP! Today!

Watched 14 Blades and Percy Jackson & The Lightning Thief. Well, too much cina movies for the cina new year. Everything is going as lazy and slow for the holidays.

Seems like the Army of Two Mask is in the airport already. Can't wait for it to arrive safely in my hands, where i can put it on and hit Shanghai with a BANG BANG! HERE COMES SALEM!
Im getting rather annoyed by the way some people is reacting, or doing behind my back. Constantly seeking information on my whereabouts, the stuff that i did, on and on like a psychologically disturbed maniac deprived so much of attention. Boy is she getting on my nerves. Making bitchy statements to my sister. Its way over-board.

I see her shadow everywhere i go, they keep telling me that she understands now. Shes different now, but whatever that she is doing, she simply isn't giving me any chance to believe in whatever they say. Even just for a brief moment. I made a point never to write about anybody in particular in my blog, except for my feelings in a very confusing way. But i guess i just can't help it. I know she be reading it. Well, i shall keep her name and personal particulars private for that matter. Its the least humane thing i could do for her. Honestly, if this goes on, i promise i will personally break those bonds we shared; i mean it.

Other than that, new years fine... so far. Well, Ima hit the slumber train now. Aeron says to meet him in slumberland at 3am; in an open field filled with flowers and wheat. Yeah i know, why wheat? 0.0 Nites!

The GRRRRR New Year

2010-02-14T01:03:00.001+08:00

Never thought i would be blogging in a cc, especially on the countdown to eves. Slept from 6pm till 11am yesterday; never thought i would say this but, im damn sick of sleeping. LOL! Works been hectic recently, with all that nagging and constant limitless expectations of results. Damn, it just keeps getting better and better. When life seem nevertheless meaningless by the days, theres always one person or someone to keep it interesting. So much for new years, its only just the first day and its boring my eyeballs off. On a side note, its really hot these days, so hot that even charizards can die.

Been revisiting my world of creativity. I feel a story coming on, i run on inspiration. Reunion dinner was awesome, drank the "its been 4 years since i last drank" lotus soup. Really good food whole day long. Just looking out by the balcony, all those houses lined in rows. All those people having their dinners same as i was. I don't know but it was a cool thought. I can't imagine just how it was like to see the world through their point of view. So many different stories to be told. I think i sort of forgotten how it was like to have someone real close to me. Someone whom i do everything and everything together. Someone whom i depend on and vice-versa. But then again,those feelings existed only in my fantasy. It never did happen.

Come to think of it, i still have Jason's Gundam Unicorn to complete. At least something to do for Chinese New Years. Well just in-case, nothing pops up. I mean really...

Well for all those peeps and bitches out there, Have a Great Chinese New Year, don't be too ang pao minded, when visiting pals, do it for the sake of them, not the ang paos! XD That was the true meaning of Chinese New Year anyways. Ciaoz. Grrrrrrrrrrr

My Journey Over The Rainbow So Far

2010-02-08T03:02:00.003+08:00

"I like to believe Fantasies exist" honestly i do. So far back in the past, there were probably countless things I've missed out on; things i was not given a choice to; or perhaps it is too late now to think i have a choice back then. Recently, as i tried to accept there really are fantasies in this world; the more disappointing it gets.

Rushing for a dateline, my designs for upcoming OPEN DAY left unattended. Dying for inspiration to hit me so that i may continue my work; My fire is burning on inspiration, without it im nothing more than just a kid. Been really busy lately, trying hard to solve and face every problems and challenges thrown at me; with a smile of course XD.

Can't wait for New Years Holiday, applied leave so i sort of got the whole week off. To goof around, feel lazy and be my age again. Though i seriously doubt i have anywhere to go during Chinese New Year, so much for all those hopes and promises; except perhaps slumber land? lol.

I can't give up, giving up simply just ain't an option; though somehow i see no point in doing so. Damn, the pessimism is killing me, its like my soul is split into two. The optimistic one and the Pessimistic one. Life just ain't so fun anymore when you know its just a lie; sometimes i wish i can live forever-more in a lie. But then again, even so, someday the dream will end won't it?

Adios my lovables, have a great night!

Williams!

2010-02-03T22:17:00.003+08:00

Went to William's for dinner tonight. Honestly, three words " DAMN FULL WEI!!!" Food was awesome, cheered me up big time. Nothing works better than good food. Told Aeron about it, thought of bringing him there to try sometime. Like a wise men once said, Sharing is Caring. Yeah. Past two weeks' been rather tiring, working on without rest. Getting screwed by boss for slack of sales and the usual yada da mango routines. Still all that cranky today, but everything's fine after talking to plants, punching of keyboards, lots of ciggys and some usual hang outs. I cant really seem to find the source of this unbelievable rage that is residing within me. I must seek to find my zen of peace once again, meditate in the shower pretending it to be nature's waterfall. Yes i should. . . .

Still, please continue to surprise me life, bring it on, and i will rock the sock with a song. Imitating the Michael Jackson dance, getting high on sugar and goofing all day till my troubles or stress gets sick of me. XD YEAH! Thats how i ROLL! Cheers!

Crazy day.....but its life

2010-01-28T23:54:00.002+08:00

Like a microwave and freezer all in a day, well more like a stretch of days. It may have affected our moods; if not by a little at least. I'm cranky and short tempered, coming to the past one week now. Little things pisses me off, and i imagine the greatest torture i can present to those who angers me. Three deep breaths and a frown helped controlled and calmed my soul. My "Cheng Cheng" (above) is growing rather elegantly under my care. A little bit of love, some music top with frequent sunbath, shes growing like one fine plant! Xd

Yeah, hung out with Aeron and John the other day. Surprises, surprises. It was really nice to have met them. I felt like I'm reliving some moments that never would have existed except perhaps only in my secret dreams of virtual reality. Something i never had; or possibly forgotten.
Well, it was nice, real nice. . . ^^

Sheeeeshaaaa....

2010-01-22T01:47:00.003+08:00

Went shisha with Jason and Sherman tonight, did lots of funny stuff with smoke. Well things are abit off the hook lately, especially with all that jazz. Still life stays in cartoon motion like how i would like to see it. Its funny how things can happen just like that; unexpected. For eg. im not sure how or why are my text underlined, i cant seem to turn it off!

Every morning i would tell my life, "SURPRISE ME" and honestly i swear! Im getting surprises just about every corner. As the saying goes, becareful on what you wish for. XD

KATON GYOUKAKYU NO JUTSU!

SUITON! DAIBAKUSUI SOHA!

The DRAGON!!!!

On Our Way Back.

Peace and Goodnights Pigs and BABIs! XD

2010 to get/do list!

2010-01-14T23:12:00.013+08:00

My 2010 to get/do list

1) ~~I am going to get my Nikon DSLR D3000 by May 31st 5.30pm 2010~~ VICTORY (dated MAY 04 2010)

2)~~Get friends to join a gym with me by the end of this year at least~~

3) ~~Start Production of stop-motion picture "3 Worlds:The Core"~~

4) Get a pair of Boots

5) ~~Get a Nice New Pair of Converse shoes.~~ VICTORY

6) ~~Get a Nice Pair of sunglasses (big shadeys!)~~ VICTORY

7) ~~Get a bunch of wrist bands~~ VICTORY!

6)~~Go on a Roadtrip~~ VICTORY

8) Go on a vacation in Pulau Redang!

9) ~~Start college this year~~VICTORY

10) Try out mountain Biking

11) ~~Get a MG Gundam~~ VICTORY

12) Get an Xbox 360 for christmas this year, 25th December 2010 at 8.30pm

13) ~~Get Salem's Mask~~ VICTORY!

14) Save up at least RM 5,000 for future cash-flow purposes (by August 31st, 12.00am)

15) Settle down by end of this year!

Gold Gold Gold.

2010-01-13T22:40:00.002+08:00

Did some gold markings on Wing Gundam, have a look. I was originally planning to write some long post tonight, but apparently i failed. Im halfway through the Matrix vortex already. Well goodnights everyone!

Crazy week.

2010-01-12T21:55:00.006+08:00

Alot of things happened during the last week. Good and bad, exciting and somewhat saddening. Had a seriously tiring weekend at the STAR education fair. Entertained thousands of "they think they know everything" parents and students a like. They were no where near polite. One parent even criticized me of my experience and maturity just because i look young; then again i am young. What on motherly earth is wrong with these people; they are like.... im lost for words.

Went dinner with simon after the fair, he brought us somewhere down in kl; don't need me to say how incredible the food was; simply take a look for yourself!

Took a gold marker from jason and started marking my Titan MK-II, the results? Incredible...

Well, thank you once again, for im alive and well; looking forward to tomorrow!

Big Bang!

2010-01-03T23:33:00.004+08:00

Looking at those ice-creams just gives me the urge. Tonight feels a little weird on the inside. Feels like something's missing, but im not sure what. Went to the cybercafe for some games today; im rather thankful for my short-attention span sometimes. No matter how addictive some things maybe, i tend to get bored of them eventually. Im soooooooOOOooooOOO bored of cyber-cafes right now. I think it will remain that way for another 6 months or so. It has always been that way XD. Elena came by to accompany me for a bit, at least as a compensation for yesterday's tragedy *grins.

Tomorrow's a new day, lots of different new challenges to face; surprises. I can't say the monday blues is taking over just yet, but then again, nothings gonna bring me down. Im am in a state of mind, achieved sanity and peace. My zen of everlasting calmness. *meditates and Om! Alright, i shall update more next week on my completed Gundam Collection, soon to be used in the production of "3 Worlds: The Core". Adios and Goodnight!

My New Year

2010-01-03T01:54:00.005+08:00

Like the clouds in the sky, rain in the mountains; 2009 went by in a blink of an eye. For all you know, im turning 19 in a few months time. So much has happened, all those ups and downs. I have to say, i learned quite alot from 2009. Met alot of good friends who brought much joy and meaning to my life.

By May 31st 2010, I want to own my very own DSLR, hit the youtube with my very first stopmotion picture "3 Worlds: The Core".

During New Years Eve, me and Jason went to Elena's house did a countdown with her. Her mum rock the socks as usual. Had whisky watching Shakira, what a way to spend New Years man. Then headed over to asia cafe for more drinks and some games. All was great.

Today, went to summit for some dinner, manage to call sherman out last minute to hang out and all. It was fun.

Well thats it for todays update. I know, im kinda lost for words. XD Once again, Happy New Year people!

Wings of Endless Waltz

2009-12-29T01:54:00.004+08:00

Recent mishap made me realized just how exciting life can get, they just keep coming. Like a melody that plays endlessly throughout your journey in life. I spend my days, working; reaping whatever joy i can find. Playing gundam, imagining it flying here and there, shooting invisible enemies. Checking my facebook from time to time, hoping for new updates. Staying out till the late nights, reclaiming my birth-rights as a night person. What more can i ask?

So many plans to put into action in order to improve on my financial status. Get the things i want, fulfill my to do list. Well, on the other hand. Christmas was somewhat awesome, met Elena's mum. She was drunk that night on eve's; shes really cool. Just keeps talking and talking and honestly, i swear she is like an older version of Elena in her sober state of mind; laughs* The following day, went for Janet's christmas party, got a 5 sec torture of pure Jack Daniels and many other god know what Jason mixes with fruit punches, which im guessing it contains lots of different different alcohol. *credits to Jason. Yeap, i survived. Neither was i high or drunk. It was awesome, though somehow i think it was due to that delicious cheese broccoli i had earlier during the party.

Did i mention i brought Kin along for both gatherings? Well yeah, thought i showed him alittle bit of my social life. He seemed to have enjoyed himself, im glad. Twisters was just as awesome the second time around since Seema's farewell party last month. Hope to play it again. I think i will be having a New Year's Eve gathering on the 31st, since my house offers great view to the fireworks set to burn off at 12.00am sharp. Well, although there is just one problem, Jason ran out of booze. I mean whats New Years Eves without booze?

Just got back from a drink and a short game with Jason awhile ago. I think his so far the only crazy person i know who's able to company me throughout my Vampire nights; many thanks.
Thats it for now i guess, honestly im quite satisfied with today's update. It breeds a sense of relief as though i have already repaid my sins for neglecting my blog recently. While have a great night everyone; a belated Merry Christmas once again and definately a very HAPPY NEW YEAR! XD

When life hands you a lemon, squeeze it and make lemonade.

2009-12-23T22:07:00.002+08:00

"Every negative event contains within it a
seed of an equal or greater benefit."
-Napolean Hill

"Instead of believing the world was plotting to do him harm, he chose to believe the world was plotting to do him good."this particular line struck me, it made me wonder. Well, recently I've been reading a book, by Jack Canfield, co-writer of Chicken Soup For The Soul Enterprises, who built his $80 Million business from nothing. Its an inspirational book unlike any other, real cases of self-made millionaires, super-successful people sharing their thoughts and things they did that made them who they are today. Most of it may actually make you feel like an idiot at first; but in the end, it always brings out the confidence in you.

Lately, been really lazy over blog updates making it way overdue. Since tomorrow's a half day, i guess i just couldn't find myself any more reasonable excuses not to update again. Things are great, ever since believing that my life, is in my complete control. I can do things, imagine things and make them happen. Slowly moving towards my goal. Im glad, for once about anything and everything that happens to me in my life. I think Jack Canfield's my official religion already! Ha! Xd

Christmas once again!

2009-12-12T01:30:00.001+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS N' A HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

Nerds Saved My Life

2009-12-10T23:56:00.003+08:00

I got my ass glued to the toilet bowl for the past few days, due to minor food poisoning. Still managed to attend the last day of Sales training by the company when my beloved Boss threatened to deduct my salary with "Diarrhea is not an excuse" excuse and insisted that i attend the training. Was really disappointed in her big time; such in-compassion coming from a person who ask everyone to show some everytime. Really, i think she has something against chinese and malays except indians. I seriously don't know why, but i bet she's like that because she was denied Bak Kut Teh and Nasi Lemak when she was young. Hence, resulting in her chinese-ism and malayism. After the training, my face turned pale (according to my friend as we were having dinner that time) and i felt rather uneasy. Suffice to say i vomited shortly after. I felt relieved after that but only to find that my relief was somewhat short lived. As Elena was fetching me home; random as she was, she offered me Nerds and forbid me to have it. I fought for my life as i needed something sour at that time. It was then as i took one into my mouth, i could hear the angels sing " HALLELUJAH", a ray of light, and BURP. I was cured. Damn nerds saved my life, thank nerds not Elena....

Friends

2009-12-06T01:57:00.003+08:00

Been very busy lately; can't seem
to find the mood to write something up here. All is well, dad found a job that offers him enough for a better, more steady start of improvements. Feel all so weird lately, as time goes by.

I met this crazy bunch of people, each playing a very important role in my life. Going guitar hero, fixing Gundams doing stupid things. We are almost like monkeys already. And of course, there are just so many things to do, my list is never ending, like for eg. ordering food from Mcdonalds using a drive-thru without a car, race around the shopping-mall on those kiddy entertainment rides, mountain biking.

Jun Yang asked me yesterday what is my purpose in life, i paused and thought for a while. A question i asked so many times to others, yet a question i've answered honestly to myself. I shook my head and said "My purpose in life is simply to live it the way i want to live; Paint my story with colors i see fit; i want to be in control."

It was a funny day out with the ASSES; in-case your wondering, its the nickname for our group of monkeys. Went for breakfast early in the morning, chilled back in college until lunch time where we realized our TRUE potential in Guitar Hero. All those rock songs seems to be inspiring me to touch and molest my guitar laid forgotten by corner of my room singing and playing to phantoms and dust. I feel bad; cool then i should get some batteries for my guitar tuner and hit you-tube for some tutorials. I wanna Rock 'N' Roll! Well, i'll check you guys out soon. Writing an essay after a period of absence inevitably leaves me feeling dizzy for which my brain juices are still a bit dry. XD Well, a very goodnight to you my ASSES n Friends.

With Lotsa Love,
Munky

Hyper-tension

2009-09-30T00:09:00.002+08:00

On medical leave today, and went to the doc. Found out that i'm on pre-hyper-tension. Was told to quite being a dragon and breathe smoke. Wow, im really surprise. Not sure what to feel. . .

Heartbreaker

2009-09-24T16:34:00.003+08:00

In life, its all about giving and taking. When you give up something, you gain something in return; balance. There seems to be alot of things i gave away this life, but i am slowly gaining new things to compromise and compliment my path that is slowly uncovering as i move along. The every taste of
new unexplored feelings and experiences; all part of growing up. Im really thankful although me and my family are in some really tough situation at the moment; at least i have someone to talk to, to hang out and do stupid things. Im glad, i really am...

Answers

2009-09-16T00:56:00.004+08:00

Been wondering for so long, all that brain juice wasted; enough to even power a car around the globe 3 times. In life there is just way too many answers to a question that just leaves you wondering more about whether you've got the right answer.Like what they used to say, life, is just like a roller coaster ride. There are always ups and downs. The weight on my shoulders are getting heavier by the day. The future seems so far away, and lights seemed so dim. So many ideas put to waste due to my lack of incompetence. Giving up halfway like what my friend used to tell me and still does. What am i really good at doing? What makes me happy? Are we all given something in life thats with us from the beginning, yet unnoticed? Quiet it is these days. Every-night trying hard to empty that damn brain of mine. Im so good in giving advice and comforting people, yet all that i've said makes no difference to me. I turn a deaf ear to my own words and wisdom that i implement to those who needed them during their hard times. Why can't i just do what i tell people to do? I feel so trapped somehow....

Mr.Boo

2009-08-25T23:49:00.003+08:00

Woke up at 8.15 am. The usual routines of brushing my teeth and getting myself ready for work. Slightly dozing of in the car; the day felt great especially when your preoccupied. The months really slow, numbers are my main concern. So many things to think about, so much worries. The day went by quickly, had a great dinner in Sunway; company's dinner. As i was on my way back home, i saw an sms that sort of tickled some disappointment somewhere in my heart. What a way to end the day...

Near Or Far

2009-08-12T22:11:00.006+08:00

Recently, things are getting really quiet. With swine-flu crawling about in god knows which corner, yet no-one is panicking. Speaking of the Malaysian "tidak-apa" attitude, come to think of it, panic is the last thing the government wants in times of crisis. Life still goes on, as always. Dreaming of a more peaceful future, not for mankind no; for me. Relationships are very tough to handle at times. For a person who does not believe in relationships, yet im starting to understand alittle more on why relationships existed in the first place. Maybe we were meant to understand each other from the very beginning, serve as beacon, whether to guide or comfort. Im very grateful, for all the things that happened to me, people that came into my life. Well, im just glad i lived another day to thank you guys and of course everything else. . .

Back, by the rainbows and the sing-a-longs.

2009-08-03T21:42:00.001+08:00

Its been awhile, the feeling of fingers punching the keyboard whenever I'm feeling weird or queer about something. I wonder, just how long has it been since I last saw my world painted in colors. The crazy dances accompanied by just as crazy songs that we sing-along through the music player playing on my mobile. All that blues in the night, the love songs that brought hope and never failed to make me smile. With the sun long set, the moon up and glowing, i can't help but to wonder from time to time. Am i just growing up too fast? Kids my age may just be goofing around doing what kids does best; wait, teenagers i mean. Well, im still glad that i'm writing again. I miss you bloggy ^^